Whisper to a Scream
by CodyRhodesFan
Summary: Before PP. Electric blue eyes looked at navy blue... all Danny sees in his father's eyes is disgust after telling him his secret. Chapter 31: "Danny, we love you." "Lies. You're all liars."...flashbacks and mentions of child abuse. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue: Afraid

**Whisper to a Scream**

_By Gabi_

**Prologue: Afraid**

Why am I so afraid?

Why am I so afraid to crush down and lose my heart again?

I don't know.

I told him I was half ghost. He grimaced at me, looking at me with true disgust, watching me as if I wasn't his anymore. As if I was something distasteful and bland in his life. That curved line that went down his face, slightly gritted teeth and a look of discomfort through the situation, making my face pale as I smiled a weak smile of pain and displease.

I can't see.

I can't see those memories that have faded on by. Those memories of the past have exited my strain of thoughts, and the memories of the present, of the future linger in the river of mixture and emotion that was running through my mind. I can't see why I am acting this way towards myself. I feel as if my heart was ripped out from its position and my mind losing its normal stream of thoughts, the happy times.

What's come over me?

I don't know. I have repeated that phrase a million and one time, I don't know. Something has been going over my mind, those thousand words I have kept hidden, have disappeared in a blanket of despair, hopeless as I am.

I can't see. I can't see myself. He's guiding me as if I was a position that was to be held or not. I thought I could trust him, but I proved myself wrong. I didn't tell my mother about this. I didn't tell her my secret. I only told him and I regretted it afterwards.

Why am I so afraid?

Why am I so afraid to break down and lose my mind again?

I fear breaking down, a million little pieces on the floor of my life, on the stairs of my life, breaking, crushing themselves into pieces of emotions. My mixture would be separated and further more, it won't be a mixture, just tiny little pieces.

I fear losing my mind and by that, I mean, time after time, thinking about what I should do with my life? I can not allow myself to be thinking like that, it is not me, I am different. I am not this way, whispering, whispering help and no body could hear, not even myself.

Just when I was living my life, just when I thought that nothing ad could happen anymore, I started freezing. I feel as I am freezing, memories I can't see. Those fears that overshadowed me, the fears that underestimated me, have happened. I tried to understand, why? Why did this happen to me?

I can't stay, but I can't leave.

I can't stay in this world of torture any longer, feeling the gray waters actually splashing, killing me, and trying to drown me into nothing. I can't leave this world; there is no way I can get out of the doors without a key of happiness. I am trapped in this world but also I am free from this world.

When I was about to run…

When I was about to escape this world of torture, I fall back down, nobody can see me break down and I am happy that nobody could. I don't want any concern over me. When I was about to run away from this world of torture, I've realized what I've become, I've became my father's worst enemy, I've become just another waste from space, I've become what he hates the most.

I'm wondering what he thinks of me right now

What does he think I am right now? In his eyes, I'm nothing. I'm not his anymore. I'm just Danny, nothing more. I can't see myself as a hero in his eyes, but I feel comfort when I'm next to my mother, for she was caring, though she didn't know the truth.

A fake smile on my face, assuring her that everything is fine and that I don't need any help. She thinks that I am her baby boy and I wish I can say the same for my father. In his eyes, what am I?

I don't know why I break so easily,

All my fears are armed surrounding me, making me afraid. It was my weakness they triggered and still am. I can't get to sleep because of that. What am I, in his eyes? I'm not his anymore. I'm not his son anymore. I keep running in circles around him and he still doesn't acknowledge m existence. I'm nothing in his eyes.

I whisper to myself but what I really what to do is scream… 


	2. Drip Drop

**Gabi: Here's the official first chapter of '**_**Whisper to a Scream'**_**. I am more than wanting to get my readers' attention. Hope you like this part, this is my second draft. Please read and review! I actually liked this chapter. It has so much angst in it… sorry for people who hate angst. Anyways, it's acceptable to flame, I don't mind flames… but not too hard, okay? I just checked spelling and grammar, hope there isn't anything that doesn't satisfy you…**

**Chapter 1 – Drip Drop**

_Drip drop, drip drop…_

It was late in night; it's about a quarter to twelve. He knew he should be in bed, though he couldn't think of a way to sleep without having a nightmare. He was sitting on the edge of his bed. His eyes dropped on the tea cup. He allowed a tear to splash through the tea, making a wave through the chocolate brown liquid though he didn't care if it tasted less sweet, trying to comfort himself by tea; it was just a terrible idea.

_Tick tock, tick tock…_

His ultramarine blue eyes looked at the clock in his room. His tears were as steady as the clock's ticking. Danny got the cup of tea closer to his chest, allowing the tears in his eyes drop on the liquid, making it salty, turning it into a lighter colored liquid. Danny lifted the tea cup closer to his lips, wanting to comfort himself, just by drinking the liquid, he thought he felt safer.

Danny drank the remaining of the liquid, trying to hold it tightly though when he finished the liquid, he allowed the cup to fall from his sleek fingers, falling on the ground, with a crash. Danny stood up watching the pieces were so in many different sizes and shapes, he felt his heart break with that crash. He felt like it wasn't his fault, he was half ghost and Jack should accept him, shouldn't he?

"You don't care about me…" Danny whispered looking at the pieces he thought was him at that moment. He shook his head, trying to think that it wasn't true though he knew. He heard the sounds of thunder and lightening emerge; making a strong heavy rain fall on the ground, blending in the situation Danny was in.

It had been the first day of torture from Jack and Danny felt like it took an eternity to end that day. He had tried hard to hurt him more and more each minute and who was there to help him? No one… no one knew about the terror Jack was giving Danny. Danny felt his eyes prick with more tears, the scene he was in, it was so painful, Danny's heart couldn't stop beating as the thunder and lighting made hard noises, producing even more rain.

_Drip drop, drip drop…_

The sound of Danny's tears and the rain falling resembled. It was raining, it was pouring and he tried hard ignoring his tears, though they just streamed down, still standing in one position. He couldn't sleep anymore. He felt tired, more than anything though he didn't allow himself to sleep.

_Tick tock, tick tock…_

More tears cascaded down Danny's ocean eyes, falling on the pieces of glass, not caring who saw, not caring if he was acting so weak anymore. The ticking of the clock and Danny's tears dropping were forming a rhythm, a constant rhythm and the rain joined his circle of pain, making it harder and harder for the brunette to move, feeling the deep pain time after time, collapsing through his heart like it was the glass cup.

Danny allowed his eyes to examine the cup once more. His gray river of emotions felt like they were going to collapse any minute. He felt like they were going to be into different little pieces because of it, trying to move away from the pain and tortures of the universe.

Danny looked at himself in the mirror. He looked so weak, so different. Was this him he was seeing or something else? Something entirely different! This wasn't the fighter of Amity Park, the hero of so many, these were ordinary tears cascading down his shoulders, they didn't matter. They just didn't seem to matter.

He was pouring **rain drops** from **his eyes**,

**The** **sky** was pouring the same **rain drops**,

**Nothing** was there,

The** Light** had vanished,

And** Darkness** has started getting its own way…

Danny felt the world spin around him, in its devilish way, trying to make him fall from where he doesn't belong, trying to make him drown in his own gray river of thoughts. He thought that he could be anything he wanted, the half ghost thing had practically been a dream to Danny and Jack always supported him saying that all dreams come true.

When his dreams did come true, Danny thought that Jack would be happy that his son was actually following his heart, trying to save people though Jack was different. He became abusive; he started to hurt Danny for his own pleasure even though the brunette didn't do anything yet.

When his dream came true, saving people, wanting someday to save his family, his dad, and had actually accomplished that dream, he found himself living a nightmare when he told Jack about it and he found out the only reason that Jack was supporting Danny was because he thought that there was no way his ghost half could happen.

_Drip drop, tick tock, drip drop, tick tock…_

That continuous rhythm splashed through Danny's head again. It seemed like a perfect rhythm though at the same time, it was a hurtful, never ending rhythm. Danny felt a drop of rain fall on his brunette colored hair, making it slightly wetter than it already was, making him feel the triplet falling from his hair, traveling through his ear and falling on the ground, hitting it like Danny's tears did.

Danny felt like he could no longer stand up. He felt his knees falling on the ground, and his body almost falling on the pieces of glass though Danny's hand held the ground's cold surface, most of the pieces had already made cuts through Danny's hands, making him bleed endlessly, carelessly.

Danny's tears fell from his face and down his hands, making him feel even more pain enter his body, making him feel that hard, cold surface make his newly fresh cuts open wider as he allowed his hands to move freely through the glass pieces.

He wanted anything that could make him ignore these tears that were falling carelessly down his ripe strawberry red colored cheeks. Danny licked his soft pink lips, tasting the awful tea again only mixed with cinnamon and chocolate, trying to ignore the tears that were streaming down.

"I thought you cared about me…" Danny whispered, talking to himself, trying hard not to fall on the million pieces that he formed by breaking. The only sound he could ever hear now… it wasn't the tick tock, or the rain that was now forgotten his head… it was the drip drop. The tears that prickled more and more each minute, the tears that he formed easily, are falling by themselves on the ground, showing pain, great pain.

_When will my tears drop stop?_ Danny thought looking at his hands again; tears that were still streaming down like the rain did, were actually landing on his fresh cuts, and making the blood trickle from his hands and onto the glass.

Every time Danny thought of the situation he just found himself crying. Every time he saw Jack in his memories, it rained, it rained outside, and it rained inside Danny. The gray river that Danny wanted so much not to drown in was actually trying to drown him into it.

"You don't care about me…" Danny repeated what he whispered before. He said it again, only weaker, feeling more emotions being added into his river, his mixture of so many hidden emotions that no one could see. It was a nightmare, Danny knew it was.

The lights in the room have faded away. Danny never opened the lights since he knew that the light was bringing him even more pain. There was no light at all. Just Danny in his gray river of thoughts, the color that almost seemed like black, the devilish color, the loneliness that Danny felt, it was killing him, emotionally. Jack was hurting him physically and he was hurting himself emotionally, he didn't even care what he was doing to himself anymore.

_Drip drop…_

He tried so hard ignoring these **tears**,

The **tears** that unlit the **light** in his room,

The **tears** that shunned everything,

All they did was bring **darkness**,

Closer and closer,

To one **brunette**… filled with **pain**,

All that was lit in his life was **darkness**…

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_Tick tock, steady as a clock, drip drop_

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	3. Here's your letter

**Gabi: Of those, brunette either means dark haired or brown haired. So don't be that confused. I guess that chapter wasn't that good. I thought that it was kind of good. I don't like what I write. It turns all messy and stupid thinking is in it. This one isn't as good as the first, I think but I half liked it. I think that's it. This should be a two-shot unless not?**

**DP fan - Sorry for not updating sooner.**

**Hordak's Pupil – Thanks for that review. It really sparkles up my days.**

**FernClaw – like I said, brunette, dark colored. I actually hoped it was coming along, thanks.**

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**Chapter 2 – Here's Your Letter**

The cold night's air flew to Jack's direction. He was carrying a box filled with ointments for Christmas. His eyes were glowing in the dark, a beautiful, soft navy blue color. His face was pale, feeling the cold air hit against it. Jack knocked on the door. Danny was supposed to be opening it since Jazz and Maddie were still out, trying to find perfect Christmas decorations for that holiday.

Danny didn't open it. Jack was a bit suspicious to why not. He knocked on the door again. No reply, not even a sound. He looked around the area, dropping his eyes on the doormat. There was something there. It was a white envelope. Jack bent down and picked it up. It was invisible by snow that covered it senseless. He held the letter in one hand and the box in another.

Jack knocked on the door again, expecting at least a sound to appear though nothing did. He sat on the edge of the stairs and waited for someone to open the door, or at least Maddie or Jazz to come back home. They had a spare key.

He felt angry. Why wouldn't Danny open the door? He wanted to hurt him… badly. Jack saw a golden key fall from the envelope. He picked it up. It was the house key… in an envelope? Jack placed the envelope on the box and carried it once again. He opened the door and closed it once he got it.

Jack placed the box on the couch. He took the envelope and started to take off the snow that was there. He wanted to read what was there before he headed to Danny's room. The envelope was as white as snow. There wasn't an address or a stamp. The only thing that settled there was a word, his name. Jack eyed it carefully before even opening the envelope.

He took out a letter and nothing mattered anymore when he read the first few lines… he wished that life would not play this game anymore, he hated that game more than anything. This hard, endless game where he was the solute and the darkness in his life was a solvent and he didn't like being dissolved.

_Dear Jack,_

_This is from Daniel. I can not bring myself to this tortured pain anymore. Seconds that pass by seem like years. It's clear that I'm nothing you want; I'm your worst enemy. I am my worst enemy. Please understand that's it's not you, it's just what I do. I'm trying to run, and then I'd just realize what I've truly become… I am just my worst enemy that way._

_There's nothing you want from me. I'm losing time just thinking. I'm losing time just staying. I want to leave though I want to stay. It's not me anymore. It's not you anymore. I'm not used to this pain. You've fooled me by all those lies. You kept saying I can be whatever I want to be. Well, I want to save the world. I want to be Danny though I'm not. I'm no one. I'm just a ghost. I have no life ahead of me. I kept fooling myself by thinking that I can help people. _

_When I did, when I saved all those people around Amity Park, when I fulfilled my dream, you stopped loving me. You don't care about me. You just lied. It was something you do everyday… just lie. I can't lie. I can't even breathe. You left me all alone. Now, I'm going to leave… I_

It ended like that with an 'I'. He wanted to say something but he could finish. Maybe he couldn't bring himself to finish it. Jack scanned the letter again. It was tear-stained and there were bits of blood, too. He felt something, something he didn't want, what was that… darkness, disbelief and hurt?

Jack looked at top of the letter. He didn't call him dad. He called him by his first name. His eyes dropped on a sentence. _It's not you anymore._ It wasn't him. He wouldn't abuse Danny Fenton. That's what he was trying to say. He's changed, his son also changed.

Jack noticed that when the half ghost started the letter, he used his full first name. He hated to be called Daniel. It was always Danny. Whenever he would end or even start a letter, it was always Danny. Jack wouldn't blame him. He started calling him Daniel when he learned his secret. It was never Danny. His eyes dropped onto another part in the letter. I _want to be Danny though I'm not. I'm no one._ Jack didn't like that part. It wasn't true. At least, he thought it wasn't anymore.

He felt like tears were going to fall but he held them back. He picked up the ointments and started to walk but those words still lingered in his head. _I'm just a ghost. I have no life ahead of me._ He had never thought that Danny felt so low in the world.


	4. Faster than poison

**Gabi: Thank you, oh, so much. This is the deepest fiction I have ever made. I loved some lines but I think that the idea, well, I thought it was cheesy. Anyways, here's the next chapter and of course, Happy Holidays.**

**Chapter 3 – Faster than Poison**

Danny Fenton ran to a nearby cave. A bottle in his hands and his eyes glancing back to see if anyone is following him. He didn't want anyone to know that he was running away from all the pain of the world. He felt weak, truly weak. The minute he reached the cave, he allowed himself to sit on the floor. It was a cold floor, a cold life. Danny breathed heavily, a deep breathe, filling air in his lungs and getting rid of carbon dioxide.

He looked at the blue bottle. The label had a hundred warning signs. Words dipped in red, the color of blood. He felt his fresh cuts fall on the floor, making it wet. The drops feel like tears and for all Danny knew, he was at least safe from the world. The world of torture was soon going to be over.

It was poison. He wanted what he wanted though faster than poison. Danny could hear a hundred words that keep on repeating itself in his mind, making him feel tense. Those words he forgot to even mention in his letter though some words were mentioned. He had forgotten to say the most important words that flickered open in his mind each passing minute.

"I'm sorry…"Danny whispered to himself, opening the bottle, freeing the lid. There was no fortress standing between the poisonous drink and Danny, now.

**Dreams** always had hidden **darkness**,

**Nightmares** always had hidden **light**,

**Drip drop, tick tock,** those sounds that still linger,

**Water** that hasn't melted the **ice**,

**Ice** that were easily melting alone, into **tears**…

"Please, please, forgive me…" Danny whispered, weakly, staring at the liquid. Danny brought the liquid closer to him and each time he brought the liquid closer, it was writing the letter all over again. It was writing another page of life over again. Danny looked at the roof of the cave, dripping rain drops on his raven hair, making that sound over again. His eyes were never so innocent, they were never so scared. He had to make a choice.

He wanted to be **held**; he wanted to see **light**,

He felt foolish for **believing** all those lies,

It always **rains**, **drip drop**, when will it **stop**,

He doesn't know what to do, **falling** from Heaven's door,

He wants to **leave**, but only left **breathless** from **tears**…

His ultramarine blue eyes were forming tears. He was trembling, shaking from coldness. His life went flashing before his eyes though all he had seen was darkness. One moment felt like an eternity. He brought the liquid closer to him with two shaking hands. His face was getting pale, feeling the liquid going closer to his lips. His tears were falling freely, streaming tired down his cheeks. He felt himself enter a dark place where nothing seemed right.

His lips touched the poison and the minute Danny felt the poison's contents go through his body he felt great pain. He separated himself from what seemed like endless pain. Tears were still cascading down, twinkling in the light.

Danny took the lid and placed it back on the poison. He just couldn't take that pain, it was hard. Danny felt the remaining blue liquid on his lips burn through his skin. It hadn't gone through his stomach yet, it hadn't even entered his body. Danny whipped that bit off though pain still lingered. Danny shook his head. He couldn't poison himself. It was just too hard. He missed the tick tock sound of the alarm clock. He missed the rhythm that it had though there was nothing more than his family he missed at that moment.

He lay on the cold surface and at the moment, drifted off for his sleep where he was sure that peace would lie there… somehow.

Slowly start to **freeze**, put his heart to **sleep**,

**Memory** that he could always **see**,

So **afraid**, to crush **down** and **lose** his heart again,

To lose his **mind**, wonder what was thought…

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_His soft icy blue eyes looked up meeting cold navy blue ones. Jack was gripping tightly against Danny's hand. Danny looked down, looking at all the people down there, his mother and sister being down there whilst Jack decided to take Danny on a hike to the mountains._

_Jack had already reached the top though Danny was still gripping his free hand on the mountain's edge. Jack smirked, looking at his son who was trying to hold on for dear life._

"_To hell with you…" Jack whispered in Danny's ear. He looked at Danny's scared expression, secretly silently laughing at what Danny was going through. Danny looked down, little drops of tears falling from his pale face._

"_P…p-please…" Danny stared deeper into Jack's eyes. He didn't want him and just a minute ago, Danny was trying to kill himself. Danny felt Jack's grip tighten even more. Danny wanted it to be because he would pull him up not to make him feel ore pain. Though he knew that he didn't like him, he wasn't what Jack wanted and possibly he wasn't what he wanted either._

"_Don't…" Danny ended. Jack allowed himself to let go of his son's hand and for a minute, Danny felt like it was real. Though he wished it wasn't. He wished it wasn't real… please don't let it be real…_

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"No… no…" Danny softly said. His eyes finally flickered open, looking at his location. He was still in the cave and by the looks of it; he didn't want to stay any longer. He breathed heavily, filling air in his lungs, deeper and deeper still.

Faster than **poison**,

Slower than **life**,

Only **Heaven** knows,

How he really feels **inside**,

He **broke** his heart,

For **hurting** him this way,

He doesn't know what to do…

**Drip drop**, drop **stop**,

**Tick tock**, He'll be here for him,

He must confess, this **loneliness** is killing him,

He's falling from **Heaven's** door,

Drop **stop**, it **rains** again,

When will **tears** stop? **Drip drop**…

**Raining**, it's **pouring**,

He tries so hard ignoring these **tears**,

**Drip drop**, someday soon,

Faster than **poison**,

Slower than **life**… try hard ignoring these **tears**.


	5. Cat and Mouse

**Gabi: Thanks for the reviews. I made my newest story '**_**Rearranged'**_**. If anyone doesn't hate Dash that much, you can check that out. It's nothing slash. Yuck…**

**Chapter 5 – Cat and Mouse**

Maddie and Jazz had just known about Danny. They missed him already though Jack didn't tell them that he had been abusing Danny. He didn't want to hear that word _'abuse'_. It was hard to cope with the world and this was even harder. That word banged through Jack's head over and over. It was hard, really hard.

He wished that he wasn't in a game of cat and mouse anymore. He hated that game. He was always playing the part of the cat and Danny was the mouse. Danny was his special little mouse that couldn't cope. He knew that life can never be a fairytale though it always seemed like a fairytale.

"Cat and Mouse…" Jack repeated those two words. They never got along. Neither cat nor mouse, it was never meant to be a relationship of any kind. The definitions are clear. Cat and Mouse… two opposite beings though of the same species… both are animals after all.

Jack walked to and fro. There was nothing that could comfort him right now. He had lost someone dear to him though it was his fault. He was in Danny's room. He found it hard to step inside at first. It was his son's room after all. He didn't like the idea of being there unless Danny was there. Jack felt dull and sullen. He was weaker than he remembered.

Jack sat on the edge of Danny's bed. He looked at a picture in his hands. It was a picture of Danny just about ten weeks ago. Danny looked different. Jack should know. His eyes were glistening and Danny had that carefree smile. It was at Thanksgiving. Jack had decided to take Danny to a musical called '_Cats'_. Jack had written _'Danny'_ on that picture.

He couldn't say another word. Cat and mouse… a game of cat and mouse, it was endless. It frightened Danny to no end and Jack should've stopped before he had realized that this mouse had to go his own way.

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Danny allowed himself to look outside the cave though there was no hope of getting out. Someone might recognize him. He thought about his family. What would they say right now? He is trying to kill himself not play around with a toy knife. Danny looked around his backpack. He brought anything he was sure he could kill himself with. He just wanted to kill himself.

Danny took out a razor. It was Jack's razor. He eyed it carefully. Danny slowly pulled his t-shirt up, wanting to die faster. Danny brought the blade closer to his smooth, sleek body. He licked his pink lips. Danny quickly made a thin line. Jack had got him feeling sorry for himself. Where was that promise? That he'd be here to hold him. He was a liar… a terrible liar.

A soft sob escaped Danny's lips. He made the line deeper, wider and he didn't care the pain he was feeling. His face was filled with sweat. Emotions running through him crazily and he couldn't stop them. He felt breathless. The raven haired boy took the razor up, making a deep gash on the side of his stomach. Danny gasped. He didn't even know if this was him anymore.

"Unfaithful… you were unfaithful…" Danny's tears fell on his razor and he didn't care. He never cared. He was so sullen, so dull. Fear ran through his body. He wanted to do what he thought he should do… exit this world.

Danny took his backpack in his hands and he got up from his spot. His dairy fell from his backpack as he exited the cave. He knew what he had to do. He had it all planned out. He wanted to kill himself, in the edge of Amity Park, on the bridge, when they were lighting up the Christmas lights.

He doesn't know, he can't **see**,

He can't **stay** but he can't **leave**,

He is his worst **enemy**,

Just when he was about to **run**,

He'd realize what he's **become**…

Danny made his way, walking to Amity Park. He can't bare flying. It pained him more than walking. He was his father's worst enemy when he was going ghost. It didn't feel like it could be real. This wasn't reality. This wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare in reality. He's feeling afraid, crushing down inside, losing his heart. He's breaking down, losing his mind. Emotions are just running in his body crazily. Streaks of pain, all he feels are streaks of pain.

Is he a trap he's **falling** into?

He's crossed over to the **dark** side,

Into a trap that seemed so **innocent**,

He's **running** away, from what?

This trap is everywhere, every **step**,

Every time he **thinks** he is in a trap,

Everyday he **walks** up, he **falls** into a trap,

Finding the **light** in the **black** hole,

Only to find **darkness** has **won**…

What is Jack anyway? A trap Danny wants to fall into. He can't breathe every time he thought of it… it's painful to think about it and its painful not to. Danny felt his stomach growl harshly. Danny hadn't eaten since he left the house. He clutched his stomach hardly, still walking, still believing.

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_Late in night, he thinks of him, and starts to cry… all in a game of cat and mouse_

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	6. New Beginning

**Gabi: Thanks for the reviews, guys… I loved them. Here's the next part of 'Whisper to a Scream'. Oh, I feel so broken. I'm hearing sad music whilst writing this part. It's hard to adapt to Danny's level you know.**

**Chapter 6 – Adapting a New Life**

Danny had reached the end of the line, at the bridge. He sat against the wood of the bridge. He looked down; it was at least sixteen meters up the river. Danny felt his stomach growl again, he shunned the pain, trying to forget about what he was feeling right now.

Kitty walked through the bridge, looking to get away from her boyfriend, Johnny 13 for awhile. Kitty noticed a very dull Danny, she heard him sob, trying to hold back endless tears. Her smile dropped, her eyes almost felt prick into them just by looking at the messed up boy.

"Please…" Danny started softly when he saw her. "Leave me alone…" he looked up at her with glistening eyes and a pale face. He felt lost and found, what would happen to him after this tragic never ending tale.

Kitty sat beside him, whipping away his tears and smiling at him. "What are you doing out here? All alone… Ghost boy, are you trying to get yourself killed? Come with me." Kitty said. She pulled him up, thinking about what ghosts might think if they saw her right now though a part of her didn't care at all. She wasn't like other ghosts. She was different. After all, ghosts aren't like humans but in a way, they are.

"I m-might find my place in this world… I don't need help, I want to leave." Danny said, looking up in the sky, he sniffed back his tears and Kitty put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, 'Kitty pointed out. "This isn't going to be long. I just think you need some tea, and from the looks of it, maybe some food." Kitty sent a smile at him and he nodded his head in approval though a part of him didn't want to stay, his other part wanted to. He had a long journey. After all, the lighting ceremony is about two days away.

"You forgot me…" Danny said, looking at a shop, seeing his family there. Danny followed Kitty mostly because he didn't want to get caught. He loved having friends but since Sam and Tucker died. He didn't think that anyone would lift him up from this sorrow. He had practically remembered what Tucker had said before he died.

"_Be good, don't like anyone control you. Danny, you're my best friend and I can't ask for more, please, don't forget me. I won't forget you."_

He didn't remember whatever Sam mumbled afterwards. Her voice was soft and gentle. He remembered how they both died. Both of them, their faces that faded too quickly, their gentle touch, both fading at Tucker's party, it was for his brother, Ryan. Ryan had a twelve month girl called Natalie, he wasn't that old and he wasn't the young, he was probably just nineteen when his wife, Ashley, had given birth to Natalie. Sam was found on the pool, lying dead, cold skin, messy hair, eyes that were shut away from the world.

Before that, when Sam went to check on Tucker, she stopped and screamed at what happened, Tucker Foley was lying on the ground dead. All the evidence that was there actually pointed that he was shot. Till this day, no one knew why and who shot Tucker Foley. Sam Manson was killed afterwards by an unknown ghost. Danny realized something that day, that little Natalie was indeed never smarter to actually know what was going on.

WHEN they arrived at the ghost zone, in one of the doors, to Kitty's place, Danny sat on the armchair whilst Kitty was with Johnny 13 on the couch, pouring tea, feeling a bit nervous to have both Johnny and Danny at the same room. Johnny placed his hand around Kitty's shoulder and she smacked it away from him.

"Forget it, 'Kitty said. She gave Danny a cup of tea and Danny took it gratefully. He looked at the cup, the color, the position, that tick tock; it was that night at his room all over again. Danny didn't want to be rude; he sipped the tea for awhile before allowing the liquid to pass through his body. He tasted the bitter, dull taste over again. The same as the beginning, tea had just lost its touch.

Danny pulled the cup on the table quickly. He looked up. His ocean eyes glistening beautiful colors in the light and Kitty nodded her head in approval, at least he drank something. Danny curved a slight smile on his lips. "K-Kitty," He said rather nervous of the entire situation. "Can-can I use the bathroom? I need to change clothes." He smiled weakly.

Kitty nodded her head in approval. She allowed the black hair to take his backpack in his arms and use the room. A serene silence passed the room when Danny was gone. Kitty glanced everywhere but at Johnny she knew that she had to explain this to Johnny and he wasn't the type to actually understand these types of situations.

"Johnny, 'Kitty started to break the silence. "I'm sorry but you do realize I need to keep him. He'll be so lost if I don't. It's just until he thinks he can get out again. He's really upset, you know. Are you listening to me?" She asked, sure that he wasn't.

"Bummer, 'Johnny said. "This dude's going to spend time here? C'mon make him fly away. This biker is going solo with his girl."

Kitty put an angry face on. "Every time you say that, I end up either flying back to Amity to get away from you or in my mother's house. If you don't perk up, biker boy, you're going to find yourself in Skulker's trophy case faster than you can ever say my name." She ended.

At the moment, Danny entered in the room with a black t-shirt and pants. His hair cascaded down into a slide form, slightly messy but it made him look darling. His eyes were glistening even more now that he got rid of his tears. He sat back at the chair. Kitty pulled on another smile; she smacked Johnny's head, a sign telling him to help Danny adapt in his new life.


	7. Truth, Memory and Ice Cream

**Gabi: I'm so, so sorry that I didn't update any sooner. I almost forgot! I hope that you still want to read what's going to happen. Boy, it took me two years to update! Well, in my book, it seemed as if it really was two years. **

**Very Long years! Out of all the stories I wrote, this one is the most challenging one yet! Can you write something like this!? I hope that you like the next chapter of 'Whisper to a Scream'. I've got a little sneak peek into what's going to happen next, too! If you want to use what's between the hyphens then you can! I don't mind! Just PM me or put it in a review or something!**

**Chapter 7 – Truth, Memory and Ice Cream**

((_Then scattering promises to his family as a disperse tree in the autumn if the wind blew strong, but the return as a dried tree leaf, returned like broken, dry leaf as the storm passed and passed and the pride with the wind_**…**)) – _Me_

Danny didn't know where he was when he opened his eyes. He was in this universe where everything seemed to be in the color of blue and green. He shook his head. It's just a dream. It's just a dream. "It's just a dream…" Dreams weren't real. They were these images in his mind that didn't say it was a dream. He took his slippers in his feet as he sat back down and started to relax. His eyes went back to an alarm clock in this room.

It seemed old as its colors were fading from a beautiful navy blue to a pale, harsh blue and it said that it was midnight. He shook his head. More lies. It can't be midnight, biting his lower lips, Danny closed his eyes… it's just a dream.

It's just a dream.

He shook his head as he sunk back up in his pillow to sleep. His eyes were resting on the pillow but he didn't sleep because he couldn't sleep. Don't know. I don't know. He always kept repeating it that he didn't know. Did he?

It's just a dream.

Danny was lying fully on the bed and in seldom moments, he'd glance from the wall to his toes. He didn't know what next to do. "I talk… you listen…" he said as a speech but no-one was there. He looked back at the fluffy pieces of slippers as he remembered a flashback.

_Flashback_**………….**

_It had been at the morning, very early, Jazz didn't know if she can get out of bed as she rubbed her turquoise eyes, yawning but the sunshine in her life made her find herself running to the kitchen to get a little bit of last night's porridge before her brother did._

_She gripped on her stomach, hearing it growl and she looked at her slippers, thinking that she might lose balance if she looked up. Her pink fluffy slippers matched her cute yet beautiful purple nightgown. The seven-year-old licked her lips as she looked up in the ceiling. It was blue and there were stars all around. It felt as if she was running from the world and into space._

_She felt as if she was flying._

_She felt Sky High… but that didn't last as she bumped into her five-year-old brother. Jazz shook her head as she looked directly at the smile he made. She smiled politely on her same colored pink lips. "Jazzy, Jazzy, I like your slippers. Maybe you can buy me a pair of those slippers, too? So I can look like you. Then we'll be like twins! Pwease? Daddy and Mommy say that you're a sister, are you my sister, Jazzy?"_

_Jazz smiled softly. "Of course, I'm your sister, 'She smiled. "And I'll let Mommy and Daddy buy you some matching slippers, too. But until then—"Jazz handed Danny her slippers as she walked from the stairs with bare feet but a wider smile._

"_I'd always share." Jazz responded._

_End Flashback_**………**

Danny smiled softly at that memory. The memory of when he was young and he didn't worry about anything. Where his only concern would be how to melt a marshmallow on a stick around the campfire. He didn't know what else to do but go back to sleep, seeing that the alarm clock said it was midnight, not a minute longer.

He shouldn't be thinking about the **past**,

The **drip drop** that he thought was the **last**,

The **tick tock** still play **without** a melodic sound,

His **tears** confusing in his **mind** that goes around,

The same sweet **promises** that were in cups of **tea**,

**Hope**, **faith** and **fate**, when will his thoughts be **free**?

---------------------------------------------------

There was a sound that came from underneath the floor. Johnny woke up from his sleep as he shook his head. What was that sound? Kitty shortly woke up. She pulled her robe against her body as she and Johnny hurried to that sound.

"What was it, baby?" Johnny asked but Kitty didn't say anything but she tapped her foot on the floor as she took Johnny by his collar and walked downstairs. Johnny and Kitty walked inside the kitchen and suddenly opened the lights to find Danny there, looking around.

"What are kind of dude is here at this time, dude?" Johnny asked as Kitty gave him an awaited smack on his head and walked towards Danny. She looked at him in a gentle manner as a smile appeared on her red lips.

"I—I couldn't sleep." Danny stuttered but he didn't know why but he felt safe around these people as if they wouldn't hurt him or try to. As if they were trying to make them happy. Danny saw that in Kitty, nice, ruby red eyes that were telling him to stay. He smiled softly as he looked at their kitchen.

"Why don't you go to bed, dude?" Johnny asked.

"I—I—I think I s-should." Danny responded. "But I wanted some ice cream." Ice cream was the only thing that cheered Danny up if he was in a down mode. He'd feel safe around the icy cold touch of the sweet and he loved the taste that lingered after eating.

"Ice cream?!" Johnny replied.

Kitty smacked him another time on his head as he rubbed that spot softly and he kept his mouth shut. "Johnny will buy you ice cream in the morning. Even if it was six, he'd go to the Ghost Zone market and buy some, right Johnny?" Kitty asked.

"Well, I had plans with the guys so let's schedule—"he got a third smack from his girlfriend and he knew that she wanted what she wanted! Always. Kitty was always like this… even on a date.

"Fine, go to bed and then, I promise—"Kitty cut him as she began to speak but when Danny heard that word, 'promise', he remembered how his father wasn't faithful. He was unfaithful and so was Johnny but with Kitty around, that word didn't sound so bad after all. "Okay! I, Johnny thirteen, promise that tomorrow whenever, insert name of the kid here, wakes up, I'll go buy him some ice cream." Johnny ended, dully.

Danny didn't know but he liked it. It were like flashbacks to the times that Maddie made Jack do that but Jack would be much more happy and he'd plant a kiss on his forehead, taking him to bed all over again when he was young. It was about five to six. He didn't remember anymore.

"Okay, kid, beat it." Danny still kept a smile as he walked to his room but for some reason, Kitty stayed and Johnny longed to wonder why. "Kat? You coming or not?" He asked.

"Johnny, 'Kitty pulled on a serious tone in her voice. "I—I'm pregnant." She responded as Johnny watched with eyes on her swollen stomach. This is his worst nightmare. He already hated Danny and now, more and more of those little devils running around the Ghost Zone?!

**Drip Drop**, where are his **tears**? Did they really **drop stop**?

**Drip Drop**; are those the same **lies** all over the top?

Tick Tock; are those the same scattered **promises** again?

Tick Tock, another sound of the clock ready to **lose** _and_ **gain**?

**Drip Drop**, Tick Tock, another **day**, another **time** but no **lies**,

**Drip Drop,** Tick Tock, another **day**, another **life** but no one **dies**.

---------------------------------------------------


	8. Need

**Hey, back with a next chapter of '**_**Whisper to a Scream'**_** but one problem: my writing style has changed but I shall try so hard to maintain the flow of the story. Please, do not be discouraged by that. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Every time. ;)**

**I need challenge ideas. Whatever you want. If I cannot do it, I'll tell you but until now, no problems at all with them.**

**Chapter 8 – Need**

She did not want him.

She needed him.

She didn't know what she'd do when she heard the sound of his soft, lifeless whispers in the morning, and his eyes that were waiting for the time to pass by too quickly and he'd end up with suicide.

She needed to be needed.

Johnny had often hated kids, it wasn't part in him to get into it but as the time passed, he actually turned a few pouts into smiles. It was as if Danny was his own son. He often would say that he had to be somewhere whenever he did smile.

Kitty needed Danny. Because he needed her.

* * *

_Cold._

_It was what he felt. It was as if it snapped at him every time he turned around, trying to destroy him into pieces in front of him. Even though the moon was shining, the silence was preventing him from doing anything._

_His best friend, Tucker, had brought doughnuts._

_And he shoved five of them down his throat, only to feel that his stomach had gotten bloated in an instant. He told his friend that he had to go to the bathroom and Tucker didn't say another word as his friend walked away from the table._

_He still felt cold. The sensation in his stomach, the air around his shoulders, it was cold and he didn't care because he had gotten used to it in the past few days. He unscrewed the lock quickly and got into the bathroom._

_That was where he first tried it._

_He didn't even realize the spoon was in his hands, for his coffee cup but he accidentally forgot to drop it when he rushed into the bathroom. He went to the stall, afraid someone would get in and know and he dropped to the stall._

_His knees bent and he shoved the spoon down his throat._

_He didn't feel so cold anymore. He simply felt this surge of pain and heat run past his arteries in vain._

* * *

Danny woke up. God, it was only a dream.

He hadn't realized it the first time. But he had done it before. He remembered it, it was because his father had told him he looked a bit bloated and when he shoved those five doughnuts down his throat, he thought so too and he would do anything to lose weight because he was a control freak.

He controlled whatever he ate.

He controlled whatever he wore.

He controlled everything but he couldn't control what his father thought of him. He wish he could but he couldn't and that will always be the same. He knew something was wrong with him. He thought there was something wrong with him and if only he could lose those five pounds, maybe his father would like him better.

And the next moment, he found himself weighing on Kitty's scale.

Because he was _that_ much of a control freak.

* * *

Love's not **black** and **white**,

It actually has a **gray** area,

And **blurred** lines…

And his father **taught** him that.

But he'd been **lying** to him for fourteen years.

He'd lied about **that**, too.

Even if it was **true**,

He **hated** his gray area and blurred lines…

**Darkness** can be so cruel…

* * *

Kitty knocked on Danny's door. He didn't speak and she wondered what he'd be doing. He usually didn't lock himself in his room like that. She knocked again, louder and clearer but she didn't think he'd want to open the door—but he needed too.

"Danny? Are you decent? Can I come in?"

She knew that there was something wrong. She wanted to break the door but instead, she simply fazed through it. She wished she hadn't been right and cursed under her breath, her cracked upper lip bit her lower one and her eyes were staring blankly, not knowing what expression to engulf as she walked to his bedside.

"A-are you alright?"

She was worried. She needed to be worried. This was her almost-son and she had gotten used to having him over, even if it had only been for three days, she had this unbreakable, unexplainable bond between them.

They both had abusive parents.

She knew the pain. How much he wanted it to end. He wanted suicide because then, the pain would eventually stop and there'd be nothing to worry about. There'd be no one else in the world to control if he was a ghost, and if he was a ghost, if his parents ghost hunted, he'd know that he can easily control his actions and sprint at the side of them.

But deep down, people didn't want to die.

They never did. All they wanted to do was live. But it was easier to die than live.

"I feel—feel—"he didn't know how to explain it, cut off by his need to breathe. He tried to engulf oxygen into his lungs quickly, he tried not to talk without choking on his own blood. This wouldn't be like in those cartoons, where a serious injury was committed and the person would get better as if they were healers, "—_tired_."

It was the first word that had come in his mind.

And he thought he'd die any minute because of a stroke—or so he thought, a heart attack. Maybe he shouldn't have shove doughnuts and cookies down his throat whenever he had the chance and then try to vomit it out because he'd realize that doughnuts and cookies wouldn't make him drop five pounds.

She leaned down to his face, 'I'll get you to the hospital."

"I don't n-need it." He said brokenly. "I want to roll over and die. Just leave me here." He rolled over his side, causing all the pressure from his right veins to go to his left ones. He felt like his head was going to explode and there'd be a thousand pieces of his body structure on the floor any minute.

He tried not to think so.

But it was hard not to think so.

Kitty didn't say anything, she touched his forehead and noticed a fever. He seemed quite hot and being a half-ghost, that was not a good single. "I shove things down my throat and then I—I try vomiting."

Kitty didn't seem shocked. Her face was simply expressionless. "My dad told me I look a bit bloated once and I didn't forgive him for that… he told me love's a gray area and blurred lines… he's just a liar. I hate him."

Kitty didn't say anything still.

"_I hate him."_

Kitty slowly shook her head. "You don't hate him. You'll never hate him." She told him, 'let me take you to the—"

"Don't. I don't need it. I just need to stop. I used to take pills and stuff—things I'm not supposed to be taking… but it felt right."

Kitty nodded her head, 'you need it. I'll take you."

"No, 'his eyes were turning into a shade of broken she had never seen before. He was pleading, begging her. He didn't want to go. He needed to go but he didn't want to go. "Please, don't."

Kitty didn't know how could she say 'no'. She simply nodded her head and her voice came with a very small "okay" but she wanted to say anything but 'okay'.

* * *

His father's tan, **overweight**, and black haired,

He wears **orange** and **black**,

His son's tan, **perfect weight**, and black-haired,

He wears **white**, **red** and **blue**,

They don't **look** anything like each other...

But they're both playing the **same** game,

A cat and mouse, Tom and Jerry **chase**...

Tom **hates** Jerry,

Jerry **hates** Tom,

Chase after a chase, and neither of them **stop**,

And in the end, they were both **angry**,

They were both playing the **same** game,

**Not** that Tom and Jerry endless chase on TV,

No... that **self-destruction** game.

Because in the end, the **don't** hate **each other**.

They just hate **themselves**.

* * *

_Need_

Kitty needed to be needed because she was expecting a baby. And she needed to know if she'll be an appropriate mother but alongside, Kitty cared and she needed to care for her child. Even though Danny wasn't blood-related, not her child, nothing in them were the same but he needed her and she knew that she needed to be needed. She needed to feel wanted.

_Need_

Johnny needed to look like crap because it was what people expected of him. He needed to look at other girls, because it was what people expected from him. He needed to be dimmed, never sparkle, not like those guys who wore letter jackets, following pretty, sparkling girls all day. That was not what people expected of him. And he needed to act look and act like some twisted dude who didn't care about anything but having his own fun because it was what people expected from him. It was always like that.

_Need_

Danny and Jack needed to stop self-destructing because it was nothing good. It was anything but good. They never hated each other. But both of them were negative, and they both hated each other even though they had the same intentions. Everyone knew that positive electrons went with negative electrons and negative electrons never mixed with the same. But they weren't science, they were real people.

_Need_

Because everyone needed something in their life. Even if they seem perfect.

* * *

**Did you like this chapter? Are you okay with this writing style or do you hate it? Review? No flames, guys unless you want to criticize this then fine but no flaming.**

**;) Gab**


	9. Control

**I reread my '_Whisper to a Scream_' chapter and I thought that both '_Need_' and '_Control_' were the same exact things so I decided to rewrite it. Problem? I can't remember what I wrote so please bear with me. And also, this one was really fun to write, hope it's fun to read. I'll read, or reread with you. :) lol. Anyways, have fun my darlings. I think I'll work on the next chapter soon because really... this was _so much_ fun.  
**

**Chapter 9 - Control**

* * *

Jack Fenton and Danny Fenton had _nothing _in common.

* * *

Jack Fenton? Not so bright. Not a control freak. Cared about ghost hunting. Cared about his family but wasn't that overprotective. Sweet and nice. That was the only quality that Maddie always expected from him, sweet and nice. And simple. That was why he called Daniel Danny when he was younger. Because it was sweet and nice and simple. Just like Jack.

But he wasn't a great parent.

Danny Fenton? Not so bright. A control freak. Didn't care about ghost hunting as much as he cared for his family. He was overprotective. Sweet and nice. That was why his name was Danny. Sweet and nice and simple. Just like the name Jack.

But he was a great son.

Jack wasn't a great parent because he crushed his son's dreams and hopes and everything, just plain everything, because he wanted the control. He wanted to feel like he was the one in control and not his son.

Danny was a great son because he took the destruction and laid in ruins and didn't tell anyone because he loved his father too much to get him into trouble. But Danny was a control freak and all he wanted was to gain control of his fights and love and hate and--everything. He wanted to control everything.

But he couldn't.

Not what people think of him. And that was what Danny Fenton hated to face everyday.

Jack Fenton wasn't a villain parent though. He wasn't like Vlad and Danny knew that. Danny lived by that. He knew that around this time, Jack wasn't a villain either. A villain was a person who did malice things and they didn't think back when they did it but Jack had thought back so many times he lost count. Jack was just an anti-hero.

Because he wasn't a great parent.

And Danny was the hero.

Because he was a great son.

* * *

They're **losing **control

They're **gaining **control

They're **dreaming**

They're in **pain**

They're in **hate**

To feel **real**

To **gain **control

They were **covers**

**Black **covers

Of the **same **book

All because of **control**

Because they can't hear themselves **think**

If they don't have **control**

They can't **breathe **good enough for themselves

If they didn't have control

They can't feel **real**

If they didn't have **control**.

* * *

Silence.

Was destroying him.

Was engulfing him.

Was killing him.

Silence.

As he threw his jacket on.

As he got out of the Ghost Zone.

As he felt the air hit his face.

Another time.

Another day.

But he felt like he was in another life.

Silence.

He walked down the street.

He wished he could walk home.

And he walk to his father like those tiny times and they'd watch those simple cartoons, eating crisps and just not caring about yesterday.

He wanted to forgot everything.

Just to forget yesterday.

Silence.

And he found a leaf.

And he picked up a nearby thrown pen.

And he wrote.

And he didn't care who'd see what he wrote. He just wanted someone to see and hear and feel someone else's pain. His pain.

_Tell him I **hate **him._

_Tell him I don't want him in my **life **anymore._

_Tell him he's being a **selfish jerk**._

_Tell him he's got all the **control **he wants._

_But **don't** tell him I **cried **for him._

And he just dropped it.

And he felt like it didn't matter.

When he knew it mattered the most to him if someone else felt sorry for him.

Silence.

Wasn't breaking.

Wasn't leaving the building.

Wasn't trying to destroy and engulf whatever was left in his petite torn body.

Silence.

Was something Danny Fenton can't handle.

* * *

Driving.

He was insane when he was driving.

He didn't need control when he was driving.

He wasn't himself when he was driving.

Driving.

Because he wanted to seem insane.

Because he didn't want control.

Because he wanted to be someone else.

Because he wanted to escape from reality.

Driving.

To forgot.

To remember the good times.

To fight off whatever he was thinking.

To seem like he was the most carefree person in the world.

Driving.

Was something Jack Fenton did to cope with his problems.

* * *

But everyone knew that what really mattered were the words that they didn't say.

Jack stopped driving.

_Is that--?_

His accelerator felt like breaking under the harsh touch.

_You're alive._

His eyes felt like crying.

_I'm sorry._

His heart felt like bleeding.

_Stay._

But he said what he could say.

"Danny?"

_One last chance to be with you._

* * *

It mattered were the words that were left unsaid.

Danny stopped walking.

_You?_

His eyes fell on the car.

_I'm dead._

His feet came to a halt.

_You're not sorry._

His heart broke.

_Leave me._

But he said what he could say.

"Dad?"

_I'll never be enough._

* * *

Over and over, you **fall**

For his **lies **again

And he **wants **you

To **smile**

To **forgot**

To **remember **to **forget**

To **not fall**

But now that he **doesn't want** you

For all those things

You **want **to **escape** from his _**control**_

Because when he **doesn't want** you

You **don't** want **yourself**.

**Escape**.

* * *

Jack and Danny Fenton had _everything _in common.

* * *

**Review? No flames. Not yet anyways. I love how I'm getting a lot of good feedback for this story and I don't want to turn good feedback into blazing flames. I use the word 'blazing' way too much. :P  
**

**;) Gab**


	10. Breaking Down

Well, let me tell you something very, very important…I updated

**Well, let me tell you something very, very important…I updated. Not really important if you hate this story, thanks to my reviewers and your encouragement. Your reviews really m a k e my days, so be proud of yourselves. You're giving sunshine to me.**

**Chapter 10 – Breaking Down**

--

Jack Fenton and Vlad Masters were so alike.

With the laughs and simple times.

With happiness.

But when the doors were closed, there was this inevitable rage Danny expected from them. Like they were always so vigor and malice even if he knew they weren't.

And he ended up, next to the wall, pinned and exhausted, scarlet red marks on his flesh and he'd always ask himself the same question…with them both… _How did I get here?_

Because sometimes, he wanted to forget. He wanted to lie that he forgot. Because lying was pretending. And he wanted to pretend that he forgot.

Because he really wanted to forget.

--

Forget

About **control**

Forget

About **pain**

Forget

That he's half-**dead**

Forget

That this ever happened

But can you **remember**

To forget?

--

Jack Fenton and Vlad Masters were so different.

Vlad always said sorry.

With every slap came that "I apologize, my dear boy but you have to learn your lesson and I intend to make you remember it."

With every punch equaled a look of pure sorrowful regret.

But Jack Fenton never said sorry.

With every slap came a hateful smirk.

With every punch equaled a bitter laugh.

Although, Jack was sorry. In his navy blue eyes. He was. And as pathetic as Danny Fenton felt, he always forgave them.

Until now.

Danny held his head high, even though inside, he can't be anymore shattered and broken.

"Danny, I want—"

But the boy cut him off. "You want? Fine, let's talk about what _you_ want. You want to see me dead, don't you? You want to see your own son, flesh and blood, dead in front of your own eyes, right? Because really, I'm already dead, aren't I?" his voice spiked with venom.

The words were clawing and ripping at Danny's heart, because he knew that it wasn't him talking back.

It was his anger.

Jack thought for a moment, looking at him, his eyes were sorry but Danny wouldn't stand for just that. He wanted Jack to feel like this. This feeling of having something you can't have. This feeling of having to fix something he broke. This feeling of sorrow and regret and remorse and—pain, _searing, loud pain_. "I'm sorry."

Danny was not convinced; Jack's eyes already said those words so why repeat them? Inside, inside, he can't have his blood racing any faster, or his mind trying to register in what he really was doing—trying to forget.

Trying to forget that this was his father.

Because now, he wasn't. He was just an abuser. He wanted to believe something else. That he always lived with Kitty and was going to have this brother or sister, like he always lived with someone else, someone, anyone else, as long as they weren't Jack Fenton. Someone who wasn't a heartbreaker. "Dad," the word was like honey trickling from a jar.

"I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like I want to roll over and die because you made me feel like-like I'm nothing. Do you have any idea, how the person that's supposed to love you, hit at you like that? Do you?!" Danny's voice roughened.

His glassy heart shattered.

His crippled mind worsened its condition.

And all he was left with was a destroyed, broken down and paralyzed body. His body. "You don't even know what love is." Danny choked out, bitterly, the venom in his voice dimming and all he was left with this petite voice, with no coldness or anything, just a child's voice.

Jack stood there, emotionless. Like nothing in the world would ever make him move again, and he knew that if he didn't move now, he might've lost his ability to move. He took Danny's face in his hands and all that Danny could hear and feel and see were his own anger blinding his way.

"I do, 'Jack managed to say without choking on his own blood. "I knew that because, yesterday, I was looking through your closet, I found your old sweater and it smelled like _you_. I put it under my pillow and when I woke up then next morning, it smelled like _me_. I don't want your sweater to smell like me, Danny."

"You want every bit of control you could have on my sweater, on me." Danny told him, firmly and just, he smelled like regret and despair, like blood and vomit, like hate and love. "I don't need control anymore. I don't need you. Hell, I don't even want you." Danny stepped backwards.

Like he just crossed the line.

And this line was so thick, that it couldn't be cut, and he didn't want to face the consequences of crossing a line that thick. Not at all.

"Daniel!" Jack exclaimed.

All that happiness and puppies and sunshine evaporated into oblivion and then came the anger and darkness and blood.

The elder Fenton grabbed his son's wrist, pushing him closer, and even in Danny's protests and fear, _searing, loud fear,_ in his eyes and face and in his words, Jack's grip around his son's waist tightened.

"I hate you." Danny's breathes were too short and sharp, the pieces around his heart and mind were too short and sharp, they'd cut everything. "I hate you!" Just simply everything.

And Jack let go. Because he couldn't handle hearing those words, Danny looked at him, in disbelief, in hate, in just simply everything that should've been the opposite, he shook his head, tried to think differently.

But his mind was apparently too crippled to think any other way.

He took a gulp of oxygen into his lungs, feeling like if he didn't, he'd die right there and now. "I hope this is the last day I'd see you in my life, 'Danny simply allowed himself to say.

And he said it with this uncertainty.

It gave Jack a glimmer of hope, a piece of hopelessness. "I'm sorry, Danny. Please. Don't say that." The man said. "Danny, just forget about it."

"Forget?" Danny laughed. It turned out bitter. "That's what I've been trying to do since that incident. I tried to forget that I was a half-ghost, like I was half-dead, I felt like it but I tried to forget it. But I can't. I can't forget that, or this, or anything else."

"Just—oh God, Danny. I need you to go back home," his voice was simple and quick, like milk pouring from its container.

"It's never home. I'm never safe."

But he ended up, in the same place he was before, crying and trying to forget, everything and anything, he ended up in Jack's arms, in his father's arms, but he wouldn't forget. He can't.

And all that Danny could think of was blood and darkness. Why was it so haunting? So unsafe? He ended up, waking up, in his room, looking around, in his clothes, and his eyes widened.

He was bleeding. Real blood bleeding.

He just couldn't sleep.

He couldn't dream.

He just stared at the ceiling.

_Why did God do this to me? Why?_

--

These **days**…

**Slipping** and **slipping**…

Until he wants it to be the **last** day…

Until he feels that **pain**…

Then **time** doesn't change anything…

And neither does **more pain**…

--

**Wait! Does that mean I'm almost over? Not quite. I need to cover more things; do you think Danny's just going to be living bunnies and happiness? He has to tell Maddie and what else? He still hasn't forgiven his father but I hope that it's getting together and looking like it fits all the pieces without making it look too bad. And also, don't worry; I haven't forgotten about Kitty and Johnny 13 and their baby.**

**Review?**

**;) Gab**


	11. Trigger

**Chapter 11 – Trigger**

Maddie Fenton wiped off her tears. "He's back?" she knew she hated crying. She knew that tears only made her mascara flow and trail down the flesh of her face. She knew that it left those black lines.

She felt like she'd burn.

Before Jack took the tip of her face and kissed her forehead, and she stopped shivering and shaking and crying before she grabbed his hand and squeezed it before she felt her lungs lose all the oxygen.

She then took another gulp of oxygen.

He nodded his head. And he knew that…

"Everybody lies."

And he lied because it was nice.

And he wanted to be nice.

Allowing blood to flow and break down the sticky hot liquid of his son's flesh was not nice. It was malice.

* * *

Danny Fenton thought that he sparkled.

He looked like he sparkled on the outside. Smiling brightly, hair twisting and twirling into a golden shine down the sunlight and the surfaces of his sapphire blue eyes were flashing into a colorful mess.

His eyes sparkled. His hair sparkled. His face sparkled.

_He_ sparkled.

But now, he had bruises and cuts all over his flesh. And he felt like the hot red liquid running down his flesh only made him sparkle even more.

He didn't want to sparkle.

On the inside and out.

He wanted to seem destroyed and damaged.

Because he felt that way.

But no one could tell.

All they could tell was that sparkles rushed down his veins.

Maybe he did deserve feeling this way.

Maybe…

* * *

He remembered Sam and Tucker's deaths.

He remembered himself thinking of them in the playground, running and playing and thinking they deserved it. That they deserved being children without these problems, with nothing but toys and dolls and mothers and fathers looking at them and smiling and laughing when they made pictures and hugging them when they got simple A's or B's on tests.

He remembered watching them get buried and asking himself why did God bring them on the Earth if he knew that he was going to take them and rip them away from him in that minute?

Maybe that was how unfairness tasted like, bitter. And fair tasted sweet. And Tucker and Sam were both.

Death was bitter but life was sweet. Even if only for a moment.

* * *

Danny wanted to die.

It felt right because they were both dead and they both suffered. He remembered those warning signs, when Sam came with bleach blonde hair and she looked like—like a Gothic Angel but at the same time, he wanted to hurt her and he wanted to hug her.

He was confused.

All he knew was that she cried and sobbed in his best friend's lap before she died. And all he knew was that he didn't do anything. All he did was watch her as she came into school with smoky brown eyes, contact lens hiding away her real eyes and she looked fake.

She was fake.

He wanted to die like her.

Fake.

* * *

Jack thought of Natalie.

Tucker's brother, Ryan, had been so protective over her. Every tear equaled a comfort, every sob meant watching 'Tom and Jerry', every little look of depression meant a hug, Ryan wasn't even old enough to be a father but he acted as one.

Maybe that was enough.

Maybe that was more than enough.

He walked towards his son's room and Danny was holding onto the pillow. He could almost read Danny's eyes, that he lived through lies, and that turned into pretending.

Pretend hate.

"Danny?" he called his son's name.

"Why do this to me again?" he motioned to the bruises and cuts, the blood poured and slipped and…

Glitter.

It seemed like his veins were made out of glitter as the hot liquid rushed from his heart, lungs, brain and down to the damaged parts.

This was all made of damages.

"You wouldn't listen to me!" a shout rushed down the room.

"Doesn't mean that you should hate me," and he didn't know why Jack looked at him in a different way. "Doesn't mean that you should kill me…"

* * *

Want to pull the **trigger**?

* * *

Jack's heart broke.

"W-what?" he stuttered. "Why are you saying that?"

Danny took a gulp of air, and he looked away. And Jack can only hear, see, hate, love, destroy, feel, fear and get suffocated in was Danny's hot liquid blood. "You know that you could've killed me," but Danny wanted it.

He just wanted Jack to break and destroy.

Just like he broke and destroyed him.

He didn't care that Jack was his father. And he didn't want to anymore. He just wouldn't stop until all the pieces of his heart were shattered and broken up in pieces in front of him.

And he'd just laugh.

And he'd never fix those pieces.

* * *

Do you really want to pull the **trigger**?

I'm already **dead**.

* * *

**Well, do you like it? I know it's a little short but I want to update. Even if it's a second or two. Review?**

**;) Gab  
**


	12. Sunshine Umbrella

**Well, all I know is that I really haven't updated and I think someone will run around and threaten to kill me if I don't update. At least I updated and sorry for the delay but I had writer's block. It's a miracle it's not on hiatus. Go my muse. :P anyways, enjoy this. And now, look through the first chapter and try relating it with this. Or don't. Remember when I said that Danny has a rhythmic rain he always seems to hear? This is kinda a combination to that. If you really dig deep.  
**

**Chapter 12 – Sunshine Umbrella**

Danny's tan flesh might've burned.

His eyes would've started to seem tired and alert.

His face might've paled with each word he heard.

And no one can listen to his mind's words (_he hurts, destroys, shatters, and breaks me_) and even if he was really screaming and shouting in his mind, in his sound proof room, nobody was listening.

Nobody knew.

Nobody can see the thin line between love and hate. Nobody can just close their eyes and feel this irritating feeling that something's wrong. Nobody can hear his soft whispers. Nobody can see the broken left pieces of his heart down.

He was so locked up inside.

_Nobody's listening._

He wanted to forget how it felt.

_Nobody's listening._

He didn't want to stay so broken inside. So dead…

* * *

Underneath **skin**,

There's **blood**.

And **blood** rushes,

So fast

And **quick**,

That all he wants to do is **breathe**.

But he **can't**.

So he **self-destructs**.

And is getting **destroyed** every way.

He can be.

So he **stays**.

And **breaks**.

Peels off his **flesh** so slowly.

Enough to see every drop and drop of **blood**.

And sometimes, it's not **enough**.

To keep him **alive**.

So he's **dead**.

On the **inside**.

Where his **heart** won't stop **bleeding**.

* * *

Kitty couldn't do it.

She couldn't keep herself in pieces for so long and not break. He kept her in pieces, she sobbed in his chest and cried and laughed and kissed Johnny and he was like this ghost—boy—with the sunshine umbrella.

Now, there were holes in it.

She looked up at him, 'it's all my fault. I can't keep a person in one piece for a long time." Because she can't keep herself in a piece for a long time either. And he kissed and caressed the soft skin of her face before he told her it was going to be fine.

If only he could believe it.

She was scared. And the bleeding from her heart and eyes were so loud, that he couldn't sleep at night. So he ended up, holding her, close to his chest and kissing and stroking her curls.

And telling her it would be fine.

If only he could believe it. If only.

* * *

They used to believe in the happily ever afters.

She used to be the **smart** girl.

**Shy** girl.

And was **labeled** that way.

But he wouldn't **label** her.

He'd **destroy** everything **inside** of her.

So she'd come begging for sheer **comfort**.

And he'd **hold** her.

She'd **break** and **cry**.

Because she was **just like** him.

And he'd **watch** her.

Tell her all the things he knew they weren't true.

He **lied**.

_**(Because it was nice)**_

And he didn't want to **break** her all the more.

Because he realized he was in **love** with.

The **shy** girl.

The **smart** girl.

The **abused, broken** girl.

And he wasn't confused.

Not. One. Bit.

* * *

He ate an apple.

And it felt so hard, the cover was so sweet though. He bit and engulfed the substance. He wanted to feel sweet. Even if he knew he wouldn't. He would never feel sweet just by eating apples.

He allowed the half-eaten apple to fall into the garbage bin.

And he'd stay on the table.

The diner girl would watch, her eyes on his pale face and broken eyes and unheard words, but she can hear everything and listen to everything. So when her boyfriend would ask her, "what's he doing?"

She'd answer, bluntly. "Waiting."

For everything.

* * *

He shouldn't **feel** this.

**Pain**.

He shouldn't **see** this.

**Blood**.

He shouldn't **hear** these.

Deadly **whispers**.

He shouldn't **taste** this.

**Bitterness**.

And **darkness**.

But he did.

And he'd **wait**.

For it to **stop**.

* * *

_Tucker Foley's eyes softly looked over Sam's, "they can't understand. They won't understand," her tears mixed with hers. His brokenness equaled hers. Her sleek blonde hair was as dead as his green eyes._

_He looked thinner. His body pulled her close and she buried her head in his chest, whispering, thinking, dreaming, loving, destroying, everything. He'd let his fingers run down her sleek destroyed bleached blonde hair and he'd ask himself, "where am I?" he'd look at her. "Where are we?"_

_She'd softly look up. Her gaze's so soft and weak. "I don't know." She didn't. She can't recognize the school hallways anymore because times passes by so quickly. She presses her head back in his chest, "but I'm here with you."_

_He stares. "It's so dark." But they don't care anymore, because the next few second, she presses her lips softly against his. And they look at each other. Two lost people—trying to find._

_Love._

_And themselves.

* * *

_It's so **dark** here.

But it doesn't matter.

Because she's in a **shade** of **broken**.

And you're her **comforter**.

She's in a **shade** of blonde.

It's so sleek.

And **fake**.

But he kisses and strokes her hair anyways.

Because he wants her to know.

That he **feels** just as **fake**.

And **broken**.

**Inside**.

And he watches her **break**.

He **breaks** as equally on the **inside**.

And doesn't say anything.

But he **holds** her.

And **silence** suddenly speaks more than words.

And they both realize.

Their in **shades** of **love**.

And **togetherness**.

In the **forever-ness**.

* * *

Danny wondered what was he waiting for. He realized, two hours later, he was waiting for happiness.

And sunshine.

And honey.

And without them, he was dead. They were both dead on the inside, but they smelled like honey and sunshine, even with everyone else saw the darkness and aliveness in them.

And now, the two halves of him were broken.

There was a grave for both of them. Next to each other. And he wouldn't go to place that black rose on their grave anymore and remember that he burned himself to death and she froze herself to death.

They needed an escape.

They'd be happy.

With her honey hair.

And his sunshine smiles.

But what now?

They were playing in their grasses and living their life and smiling and laughing but he wasn't. They were dead. And they were happy. They wouldn't look back at their broken selves, they'd think of their happy selves.

And he'd wait.

For someone to fix him.

And pull a sunshine umbrella over his head.

* * *

He was the boy with the **sunshine** umbrella

And **quickly**

Holes were on it

**Rain** will **fall** on it

And she'd be under it

He'd **protect** her

Each **piece** wouldn't matter

And **rain** washed away the **happiness**

**Drop** by **drop**

The **sunshine** umbrella would **fall**

And they'd be **cold**

But now

She **froze** to death

And he **burned** to death

But they'd be **happy**

Because they're finally **together**

No question about it

But they were Danny's **sunshine** umbrella

And they took off

**Broke everything**

And they're not looking back.

At the **mess** they've done.

Just like Jack didn't.

So he'd sit and stand and **break**.

And **wait**.

For a **sunshine** umbrella.

* * *

**There, a long chapter. With a little TxS. Sorry, I can't help it. I love this couple. If you want, just ignore the TxS and think of Danny—now, I'm getting all sad and depressed on the inside. Ooh, it's almost been a year since I'm working on this story. Hopefully, if I update as much as I can. We'd have it done before 15/12/2008. lol, hopefully. For TxS shippers, I have a one-shot called _'Heart Shaped Box'_. It sounds fine, right? Review??**

**;) Gab**


	13. Tucker and Sam

**Again, an update from me!! Yay!And also, can I ask you guys a very important question?? To me anyways, do you think I should continue 'Break and Fix'? Or any other of my one-shots? I have this sudden dislike to one-shots. I like chapter stories better. Yeah, I'm like that. So--which one? I have a poll up, do you think you could check that out? Thanks!**

**Chapter 13  
Tucker and Sam**

There was Romeo and Juliet.

Cameron and Chase.

And now, there was Tucker and Sam.

And from Danny's sweet and bitter memories, all he could remember was that there were his friends and their silent whispers. Their silent deadly whispers. And he was drowning in mindless pain after that. He couldn't remember, he coughed and hiccuped and sobbed and he couldn't remember. It was taking over all his mind. They were his friends. And they were in love. And they were dead. And now, his eyes were flashing to them, he could suddenly see the unclear and felt the searing feelings and breathe the short, sharp breaths.

And they slipped away.

From him.

From everyone.

They even slipped away from themselves, but at least, they were happy. And he finally understood that their bodies lying dead next to each other, his blazing dazzling hair touched her wet, frozen ones and even if they were dead--they were alive on the inside. And Danny could finally see that. He could finally see how they felt warmth.

And now, he wished for it.

But everything he got it...

It faded from him.

* * *

How does it **feel**?

To be **warm**.

How does it **feel**?

To mix **ice **and **fire**.

How does it **feel**?

To die **alive**.

How does it **feel**?

To lose **yourself**.

How does it feel?

To **love **your best friend.

How does it **feel**?

To be in **freaking love**.

How does it **break**?

* * *

_Tucker's fingers twirled around her bleached blonde hair. Her sleek hair cascaded and draped down her shoulders and his mouth pressed onto hers and the second it did, she followed him. Their silent dance and even if she was broken and shattered and tired on the inside, she was happy now. Tucker was her savior. In short black hair. A halo in the light._

_And he figured she deserved his stupid affections._

_Sam's eyes turned from a shade of broken into a shade of comfort, she rested her head into his lap and he stayed there. They weren't best friends. They weren't brother and sisters. No, they were in love and nothing can change that. He was in her heart shaped box and now, she was in his. And they were both trying to find a way out._

_Without breaking themselves._

_And cutting from the pieces that would fall._

_And naturally break._

_So he allowed her to rest her sleek hair and he'd know their escape. From reality. From all of this. He leaned down towards her ear and his hot fingers would dance with her hair. He'd never see anything so broken and beautiful in his life. Because she was real. His beautiful butterfly trying to twirl and twist in reality like their silent dance. And he'd say those words._

_"They'll see it soon enough," he said in her ear, pressing his mouth towards the soft cold earlobe._

_She'd shake her head. "They won't."_

_"Then I'll wait." He'd respond. "I'd wait..." and they sat there._

_And waited._

_For nothing.

* * *

_

He'd do **anything**.

To make her feel **safe**.

In his arms.

After every night.

He never saw anything more **beautiful**.

Than their **silent dance**.

When they're both in each other's** heart shaped boxes**.

And they're locked.

Trying not to **break**.

Trying not to **cut**.

And **loving **each other.

Until they're suddenly **dead**.

In each other's arms.

But finally...nothing's **broken **anymore.

* * *

Kitty never told anyone her last name.

Because she hated her father. And his cold words and his shoving movements and his bruises and cuts.

And she ended up being that biker girl.

With bouncy blonde hair.

And stupid soft brown eyes.

And she won't stop.

Telling him how much she loved him.

And she'd be in her arms.

She'd pretend that Johnny 13 was her father.

And that she was safe.

From those little dragon nightmares she had when she was little. And from hate and torture and darkness and blood. She was safe from everything. And nothing. And anything.

And it was a routine.

Until she was in his arms.

He'd protect her from everyone and everything.

Her savior.

And she didn't need a reason to be broken anymore.

* * *

So **quick**

She can't **see anything**

So quick

She can't **feel anything**

So **quick**

She can't** hear anything**

So **quick**

She can **see everything**

So **quick**

She can **feel everything**

So **quick**

She can **hear everything**

And she wishes.

Time would **slow down**.

* * *

Like Romeo and Juliet.

Chase and Cameron.

There was Tucker and Sam.

And they were in love. Danny could see that. They were insperable. She'd look at him, seem interested in him, because she didn't want to break him. And now, all because she didn't say a word about it. He was broken. And cut and bruised because Tucker thought it might've been a good idea to tell him.

That he was half-dead.

And now, he was dead. On the inside.

And he wished he was alive. And he wondered would he feel alive if he was dead?

* * *

Everything seemed to be quickly **fading**.

Everything seemed so **blurry**.

And he's left.

With one question.

Would I be **alive**

If was **dead**?

Because he wanted **yes**.

And he **stayed**.

There thinking.

And waiting.

For **nothing**.

And **everything**.

Until he knew what to do...

The only way to **escape**...

Is to **burn **to **life**.

And **freeze **to **death**.

Like Tucker and Sam.

* * *

**Well....you can see clearly where this will go to. And the references are to Shakespeare and a show called '_House_'. And where's my review?**

**;) Gab**


	14. Feel Yourself

**Well...sorry for not updating for a while. I had to start it up twice because it always ends up being deleted. :P But it's here now...finally...**

**Chapter 14  
Feel Yourself**

**

* * *

**

_She's trapped and she doesn't think she wants to get out as kisses trail on her flesh, warmth lingers and lingers and oh--it feels so good, she doesn't want it to end. She doesn't want them to end. Life's worth something when she's with him. When she's with him, all she wants is him and when she's away from him, all she can think about is being close to him becuase life's meaningless without him. If he goes, she'll go too. She's trapped in his arms as the rain falls out._

_When it rains, he's her sunshine umbrella, shielding her from life and horror and hate. It gives her an afterglow feeling as he leans down and promises her that he'd always be there for her. Especially because she's there for him. And she'd forget everything._

_She's forget herself._

_Her body embracing his own as the drops of rain smudges on her soft flesh. It becomes dry later on. She knows. She'd get sick later on. She knows. Her hair twists into grayness and vagueness and he just realizes that he has to reach in closer to see that beauty in her. She's destroyed because of the rain. But he always fixes her, always lets her hair fall out of its clip. It's free from the clip. She's free._

_He realizes he loves her every steps she makes._

_Their silent dance._

_And he'd close his eyes, imagining, loving, caring, with their black-haired emerald-eyed girls and unnatural blonde-haired violet-eyed boys running around, their fantasy. He opens his eyes back as he twirls her around and around. They'd think he's insane but the rain's his music and the sun's his spotlights and they're the stars. He doesn't care what they think or say or do. And after it's done, they'll wait._

_For another storm._

_Her voice's full of happiness and childlike laughter. They're nothing so purer when the lightening storm threatens to strength._

_But until there's another storm, the only voice coming out of her is weak, fatigue and full of horror._

_

* * *

_

Step **one**.

Try to be happy.

Step **two**.

Don't let everything be **taken** from you.

Step **three**.

Find **life** from **death**.

Step **four**.

Embrace the world in **gray**.

Step **five**.

Drown **yourself**.

In **darkness**.

Step **six**.

**Wait**.

Step **seven**. Step **eight**. Step **nine**.

**Look** at what you have.

And what you don't have.

But what you don't **understand** is.

What if you have **nothing**?

Except these steps of your **nothing** life.

* * *

Johnny 13 was not the fatherly type.

He drank.

And he knew his rules. 'Thou art shalt not stopth drinking any timeth soon' but it wasn't more of his rule. It was her rule. He watched as his sister slipped into drugs and alcohol, overdosing and overtaking life in alcohol and anger and hate. Her soft hair turned so greay, and her eyes had this anger that he didn't see before. He didn't know how, but he knew that he started being the same.

And he was scared that he'd be angry.

He didn't want to overdose on heroin.

But he did.

It felt so right at the moment but it wasn't. All it gave him was this dizziness and he didn't know why he loved getting so dizzy. His head wasn't clear as he ate and drank and looked at her pass by. She was so innocent. Until he turned her innocence into something real.

He didn't regret it.

* * *

No one could **regret**.

**Happiness**.

No one could **regret**.

**Aliveness**.

No one could **regret**.

Making someone so **real**.

But he **regretted** it anyways.

Because her **happiness** was a shield.

To her **anger**.

It made her all the more **angry**.

And her **aliveness** was only a reminder.

Of how the **dead** feeling really felt.

And making her **real**.

Wanted her to be real in **someone else's** eyes.

But he **regretted** realizing that.

He never really wanted her **happiness**.

He wanted her **anger**.

* * *

When Danny walked into his house, he realized that it smelled like death and despair. It always smelled so light and soft and alive but it was suddenly so gone. It didn't feel like home before. _When was it home?_

He can hear deadly whispers. _It's killing him._

He can't feel anything. _But the stabbing pain._

Jack's voice brought Danny back into reality. He wished he was back in his nightmare. It would be better. It would feel better. "Danny, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Danny replied. He didn't care. If he was his father. Or his friend. Or a stranger. It was just talking and he wasn't going to seal himself in. Because he can't anymore. The lid's broken off so he couldn't. Even if he wanted to.

Jack blinked. Was that Danny just speaking back? With this furious attitude? With hate and destruction? It wasn't Danny. At least not the one he kept in mind. "Danny, listen--"

"What happened to Daniel?" he retarded. His back was straight. His face was stiff. "Why don't you listen to me? I'm done with listening to you!"

Jack slowly nodded his head. "I'm listening."

"You abused me. You hurt me and broke me and you expect me to look at you the same way. I'm sorry but I'm not a toy." Danny looked down. "I'm just so done with it. I don't want to get hurt again because you don't care!"

"I do care!" Jack exclaimed.

Danny shook his head. As slow as he could. "If you cared, if you had this one inch of care for me then you would never hit me like that. You have no idea how it hurt. It really hurt..."

Jack froze. "I didn't know."

"You don't know," he corrected him. "You don't know anything about me."

**:the truth slips out:**

* * *

Why don't you just **feel **it?

**Stupid** Jack.

But as you **say** those words.

You realize that.

When you do **say** them.

All you can **feel** is **you**.

You can **feel** **yourself**.

**Slip**.

* * *

**If you review, then you made my day. I'll update more now that it's the hoildays. It's almost been a year on this fic. I can't believe it. Don't worry. You'd seriously get more updates. **

**;) Gab**


	15. Never Ending Nightmare

**Let's see how things are going in Kitty and Johnny's place! And more about Tucker/Sam and a little bit of Danny/Maddie bonding. Something for everything...or trying to be! ;D Aw...the chapter looks like it's cute! It's not. It's angsty but it's not cute.  
**

**Chapter 15  
Never Ending Nightmare**

**

* * *

**Kitty's eyes were actually brown.

She used to love her brown eyes. Chocolate brown eyes. Everyone said that they could stare into them forever. But they were her father's eyes. She hated it. She tried to push the thought away as they glittered into the sunlight. As she applied her soft apple-colored foundation on her pale white flesh...she stopped.

Those eyes - so hopeless and broken and shattered - would never be his eyes!

And her hair was a perfect blonde color. Soft-sented with lavender. Two years later, her eyes were in a shade of a dark green and her hair was brown. She was a biker girl. Not Daddy's sweet little girl. And she was happy. But she wasn't when she was sleeping, when she'd open up her eyes to look at brown ones staring back.

It was haunting her.

And she wasn't happy when her hair started to chip from its brown color to her natural blonde. So she sobbed in her pillow and waited--for a miracle. It was so near. She feel it. She could taste it and she ended up, standing in front of a biker boy, with blonde hair. But it wasn't like hers. With green eyes. So green that she can't see anything but those eyes...

And as her tears would fill up with tears, she'd realize...

"You love him."

And now, that same boy was standing in front of her. Standing in front of her pregnant form, with her dark green hair and ruby red eyes, where she can't remember that man. And she'd just be a biker girl. He'd just be a biker boy. His throat would go dry as he'd watch her...carrying his child, no, their child, ready to give it all away and he'd realize...

"You love her."

And she was a mess. With her hair in curls and her eyes trying to keep themselves from tearing, 'what am I going to do? I can't take care of a child, Johnny. You know that," she whispered into his chest. "Do you think we'd ever get a happy ending ourselves?" She didn't know when she stopped believing in a happily ever after. "This is why my father hates me! He's laughing at me because I'm pregnant and he knows I can't take care of our baby!"

"Don't listen," he'd say. "Listen to me. You can take care of this child. I'd help. You'd know that. I love you." And she cried at those bits of his little words that meant the world to her.

Especially the last one.

* * *

She'd be **someone else**.

In another **dream**.

Another world.

Trying to **run away** from

A **dream **crusher.

And trying to **survive**

Her **nightmares**.

And **live**

Her **dreams**.

And she ended up

Trying to control **someone else**'s

**Nightmares**

And **dreams**.

And she can't control **someone else**'s **dreams**.

Or her **own**.

* * *

_Tucker's eyes would go to hers._

_"You know I love you."_

_She'd shake her head._

_"You know you hate me."_

_But he'd grab onto her waist and kiss her forehead. "I can never hate you..." he'd voice would evaporate into the air. "And they won't understand that." No one would. The next day, he'd wear contacts. Blue ones over his green eyes. "We could fall in love..." he'd say and she'd nod her head._

_"No one would like this."_

_"I don't care," but he does. He just wants to believe it. "I like this."_

_"I like you," Sam would whisper. "Tucker...how can you see me like this? With blonde hair?"_

_"That's it," he says. "I can't see you. But I can your eyes. They're still the same."_

_"I can see your heart," she smiles at him. "It's always the same..."_

* * *

They're trying to find their **place**.

Like they're **characters **from a **book**.

And she'd try being who she **wants **to be.

She'd try being a blonde haired **pretty **girl.

He'd try being the image

Of her **dreams**.

But their **dreams **are begging to be

Their **reality**.

But they're living

In a **never ending**

**Nightmare**.

And **characters **from a **book**

Don't have **nightmares **when they're **awake**.

They're still trying to find their **place**.

In the words **imprinted **on paper.

But they can't.

So they **stand **there.

And she'd look at his **character**.

He'd look at **hers**.

And they try to be **real**.

* * *

Something was getting in the way.

He didn't know what.

But there was something.

Everything.

Nothing at all.

He looked away at his mother's face, as her happiness tried to engulf around his depression. He'd smile softly, so softly. (_itssoprettyitsbroken_) she smiled back and she looked at Danny's face pale. "Why did you leave?" he looked away. She knew he didn't want to talk about it. So she didn't. She took a gulp of oxygen and allowed herself to start again.

Danny. Maddie. In a whirl of thoughts.

"A certain daughter had been out for a while and didn't come back, think I should bust her?" he'd chuckle under his breath as she'd come close to him and stroke through strands of hair.

"Yes, yes!" he exclaimed, laughing softly.

"Someone's turned from serious to bad. This is your sister," Maddie replied, still allowing the drops of sunshine and honey to fall down onto him (_hefeelsbetter_). "You're fun like this."

"I'm not fun?" he repeated, the smile on his face quickly fading. "Only like this?"

"You're a serious person, Danny," she bit down her lip.

He shook his head. "I don't want to be serious.I want to be happy. I want to feel happy..." he'd allow a soft smile to form onto his face. "Am I happy now?" And she turned his head back. That question._ Am I happy now?_ It was like he didn't know. He didn't. And that was what hurt her on the inside.

He didn't know how happiness felt anymore.

Even if it was stabbing him in the back.

* * *

He's blind.

He can't **see**.

If he's **happy**.

And he can't **feel**.

He can't **feel **anything.

But the searing **pain**.

He can't **hear **anything.

But those deadly **whispers**.

"Am I **happy **now?"

**How **can you be?

When you're stuck.

In a **never ending nightmare**.

* * *

**Another chapter out of the way. Happy now? I bet you are. Review??Oh and I have ideas. One for a '_House_' crossover and one for a '_Twilight_' crossover. Review and say which one you're more interested while I map out my ideas! Also...which characters do you want to be in either crossovers?? I want to know every thought. I'm thinking of making a '_House_' crossover with Jazz as a main character for a change and I want to make a '_Twilight_' crossover with Sam as a main character...but what do you want?  
**

**;) Gab**


	16. Completely Fine

**So...you want to know my two ideas for 'House' and 'Twilight'? Well...one thing: I'll say it at the end so I won't distract peple who are really eager to read the chapter itself. :D I care about you, guys, too. Expect the longest author's note in history down there.**

**Chapter 16  
Completely Fine**

**

* * *

**

Maddie was worried about Danny.

What if he tried suicide? What was going on anyways? She didn't have so much time to think but now that she did have time, she didn't know what to think about. Poor Danny. Sweet Danny. Destroyed Danny. Her Danny. He wasn't bulging through and she wanted to do anything to help him go through his pain but she didn't even know how he could be happy again. He wasn't. He was broken up destroyed gone and she needed him back.

No, she wanted him back.

She stared as Jack's eyes dimmed off before she went to bed. He snored softly in his sleep and she stared at him. Her heart broke, her voice cracked, her eyes were bleeding tears but she was happy. She had a daughter and a son. It was more than she needed but she wanted it oh so much. Now her son was begging for his happiness. She wondered what happened to those times when he took his photograph and he'd grin.

_Grin big. It's smile time._

He would.

And he'd look happy.

And seem happy.

That was what she can't understand. How did he turn into a self-destructive boy like this? Even if she was watching every step of the way? How? She didn't know. She found this time useless because she can't find answers for her questions. She couldn't find anything. So she took a deep breath and ended up curled up next to her husband's flesh.

But it didn't mean that she slept well.

Because the next morning, thin circles were under her eyes.

* * *

Grin **big**.

It's **smile** time.

**Pretty** hair.

**Pretty** eyes.

**Smile**.

Be **happy**.

**Smile**.

Even if you don't mean it.

But you still **drown**.

In your **frown**.

* * *

Kitty's eyes turned into shades of softness.

She'd get an abortion.

Then she didn't have to worry about a child's diapers or happiness or clothes or anything. So if the devil knew that she was going to get an abortion then why did he give her a child to begin with? Was he mind tricking her? Trying to annoy her. Trying to destroy her? She didn't know but all she knew was that the devil was cruel enough to sit beside the sidelines and watch her break.

And cry.

With soft eyes.

And he'd destroy and damage those soft eyes.

_(afterallthedevilcantbegood)_

And he'd give her those rough, red ones.

That was how her eyes turned from brown to red.

Because of him.

He didn't want her to be happy or to have pretty eyes.

Because he didn't like her eyes.

And she'd stop.

The devil was supposedly her father.

* * *

**you**

made me

think that

the **devil**

was **you**

and **you**

made me

think that

the **devil**

was after me

**hysterical**, father.

**_+hysterical_**...

* * *

_Samantha Manson's black._

_So flat._

_So destroyed._

_It hides everything._

_It's nothing._

_Tucker Foley's green._

_So energetic._

_It's nature's color._

_But what confuses him is why save something that's going to blow up anyways? And he ends up, holding black in his hands. Holding Sam in his hands. And he realizes that he's not green just because he wants to save the universe (yeah right). He's green just because he loves her. And he wants to save her from blowing herself up, and destroying her and damaging herself into nothingness._

_So he turns her into anything._

_Into something._

_Into everything._

_

* * *

_

**Green**.

It's **energetic**.

And he **choses** to make her one too.

But even with a **green** coat on her.

It only makes a **darkish** **green**.

And he doesn't know how to mix her into a **beautiful** color.

It ends up **destroying** him too.

But he ends up **loving** her.

He ends up **drowning** in **black**.

He ends up **drowing** in **Sam**.

* * *

"Danny, sweetie, are you feeling fine?"

He ended up looking up at her, with a curious pale face and crazy black hair. Nothing came out of his mouth for a while as he looked down and nodded his head. "I'm fine," it was all that left his throat. All his vocal cords would let him say.

All he wanted to say. "Danny, we need to talk."

She walked. He assumed he had to follow her. So he did. He stood as she sat. "Take a seat." He shook his head. "Danny, I need to talk to you. Why'd you leave?" her voice cracked in her throat.

"Why are we talking about this? I told you that I just needed to figure things out." He was lying. And even though he knew that she'd find out, sooner or later, but he lied anyways.

"You needed to figure out what?"

He cleared his throat. "It's not important." He replied.

"It is!" she exclaimed, standing up and his eyes looked at her face as she spoke. She was scaring him on the inside (_soscaredtooscared_) and he stopped in his position as her face softened at the sight of his freaked out one. "Danny, tell me."

"It won't help me forget it." He clicked between his teeth.

"Danny, I just want you to feel better."

"Why does everyone keeps saying that?!" Danny exclaimed. Anger, pure anger, was ripping through him and creating this explostion of emotions. "I'm fine!" And he stepped away. The room was hollow, except for the sound of his shoes stomping on the floor and for the sound of his heart breaking.

He already had a broken heart.

He didn't need it to be shattered.

* * *

He thinks that he **deserves**.

To **bleed**.

* * *

**Well, yeah, here you go. How does it look like?**

**Okay, _'Twilight'_ and _'House'_ idea that are bubbling inside of me.**

**_'Twilight'._ Sanitarium: Ignore Breaking Dawn. Sam Manson's old body's damaged. So she ends up into someone else's body. More importantly. It's Bella Swan's body and Edward Cullen wants his girlfriend back. One way or another. But Jacob doesn't know that Sam's Bella. So can he finally make "Bella" like him? BxE. Possible DxS.**

**_'Twilight'_. What Happens to Me?: Ignore Breaking Dawn. Sam ends up saving Danny's life, but not before shouting that she loves him. Now, she wakes up in a vampire's body and meets the Cullens. And when she encounters Danny again, she realizes that she can't love him anymore without feeling the need to drink his blood. Desperate, she turns to Jacob for help. And he may fall in love with her... oh no... JacobSam then maybe DannySam. You pick.**

**_'House'_. Dead Cell: Jazz Fenton gets into a car accident. She ends up getting delusions about a boy named Daniel and she's**** convinced he's evil. House thinks she's schizophrenic. But can he find out what's wrong with her? Or will one of House's colleagues step in the plan? And how can Danny convince her that he's her brother?  
**

**I think it's alright.**

**;) Gab**


	17. Night To Forget

**Here you go. Another chapter.**

**Chapter 17  
Night To Forget**

**

* * *

**

_It hurts._

_It really hurts her._

_She knows it is as she walks down the school hallways. They're staring at her. They're staring at how ugly she is. They're staring at her hair. It doesn't matter that she bleached it blonde. It just matters that she's still Sam. She's not sure about it as the boys grab onto her waist and whisper nasty filthy-minded comments about her hair. Hooker hair. That's all she's been hearing the entire day._

_And every time it chips, she bleaches it again._

_He can't understand that. She hates being a blonde. She hates running around from those boys. He knows she can't tell whether they like her for her or if they like her because of her "hooker hair". So at a school dance, he grabs onto her shoulder and she looks at her. "Tucker, I'm sorry..."_

_It hurts._

_It really hurts her._

_He doesn't want to hear it. But he ends up kissing her shoulder. "You had no idea how I used to love you..." he whispers and she grabs onto him and she kisses her. Her tongue in his mouth, and she doesn't want it to stop. Because he tastes like honey and sunshine and she doesn't want to be in the dark and in this deadly situation. And he's bringing her back to life as he seals his lip shut._

_It hurts._

_It really hurts him._

* * *

**Honey**.

It's how he **tastes**.

**Honey**.

It's what he **eats** with his sandwich.

**Honey**.

It's what he **wants** to be.

**Sweet**.

**Honey**.

She drinks every **last** bit of his honey self.

And the **drops** stop.

**Death**.

There's **plently** of that.

* * *

Maddie's eyes were paling concern.

"Jack, how can he be like this?" She can't understand. He can. "Danny's not like this. He changed." Change. How hard was that word? Jack didn't know but he listened carefully but there wasn't a rule that said he had to reply.

She sighed. "He hates me."

It gave him a reason to talk. "No, Mads, he doesn't. He loves you."

And he hated Jack.

He didn't add it on because he didn't want her to know.

Or ask questions.

And because he knew what he did was wrong. Even if confessing was right, he wouldn't. He'd never confess.

"Then why is he acting like this?" he didn't say anything. He just sighed and he walked towards his son's room. Maddie, in confusion, stared as he stepped out.

* * *

**Sometimes**.

He shouldn't try to **forget**.

**Sometimes**.

He shouldn't **ignore** that he abused.

**Sometimes**.

He shouldn't **blame** his son.

**Sometimes**.

He didn't know **who** he was.

**Sometimes**.

He wanted to **change**.

**Always**.

He was **broken**.

* * *

After Tucker and Sam's deaths, Danny knew that he'd done something crazy.

He started to dance. Because he felt like it. He hated dance itself. Only because he knew it was stupid to dance and dance until his feet felt like tearing up. He thought it was a waste of time but he danced anyways and he ignored the flashing memories. The ones he'd always been ignoring. Even before their deaths -

_he grabs onto her, twirls her, her hair's a mess, her eyes are bleeding its beautiful violet color and they kiss before he pulls her away and he starts spinning her around, on his feet, so she can see him, so she can see everything..._

- Danny fell all the time.

After he remembered that, he ended up falling and falling and trying to forget the night he saw her and him, in the rain, so carefree.

So perfect.

And silent.

And beautiful.

Danny had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

So he started to dance -

_if he can be just as beautiful, then he'd look just as alive, if he looks alive_

- then maybe he'd feel alive.

* * *

Their **silent** **dance **is **perfect**.

But his is so **messed** **up**.

That he knows its **dead**.

And **destroyed**.

Just like **him**.

* * *

Jack's eyes were looking at Danny's face.

He was staring at a lightening storm -

_they can't dance anymore, because they're not alive, because you didn't save them_

- so stiff and pale.

Jack grabbed onto Danny's body and the boy just tensed up and stiffened and paled even more. He closed his eyes as Jack allowed his hands to slip from his shoulders. Danny looked up at him. "It doesn't matter anymore." He allowed the words to slip out.

"What's your problem?" Jack's voice harsened. "One day, you're screaming your lungs out because I'm abusive and the second, you're fine with it. What's going on?" he stood as a barrier between Danny and the door.

Love.

**:too many barriers:**

Danny looked down at his shoes. He let his voice just slip the words out. It didn't matter who was listening. He can't let them inside of him anymore and it mattered to him if they were gone from his mind. He needed to forget that night. "Tucker and Sam..." (remember the bleach-blonde hair girl and techno geek? they look pretty together) "They loved each other. And they'd dance around when it rained...beautiful alive thing...I'm a dancer."

Jack was completely silent.

Silence spoke more than words.

"But I was so dead." He looked up at Jack. "I can't take that I can't be anything as beautiful as alive as they are! I can't take that I'm dead! I'm so dead...that's why you hate me...that's why..."

Jack allowed his hand on his shoulder again. But this feeling, Danny forgot, protection.

He needed that feeling.

As he looked up.

More silence.

Because words can't describe pain.

* * *

When you **stand** outside.

And standing makes you legs feel **weak**.

But you're **waiting**.

And they have to **save** you.

Fairy **dust** that would let you sit and **sleep**.

Fairy **dust** that would sweep you off his **feet**.

That fairy dust.

So **beautiful**.

So **perfect**.

It **saves** and gives you strengh.

It's **real love**!

But your feet ache just **waiting**.

So you **close** your eyes and **dream**.

Dream that fairy **dust **is going to come soon.

You're trying to **forget **that your feet ache.

But one day, you trip and **fall**.

But I **catch** you.

And you're sure that you don't need fairy **dust**.

You just need **protection**.

* * *

**I love you. Now review.**

**;) Gab**


	18. How He Quit Dance

**You know what? I've been betting to write chapters on all my documents so I won't have trouble updating for you whenever you want me to. I mean I did get a healthy 52 reviews on my 13th chapter and that really made me feel so happy. It's not much for most people but it fills me up. +because you read and you liked and you try to express how you really feel about my work.**

**Chapter 18  
How He Quit Dance**

* * *

Danny quit dance for a reason.

And he didn't care about the abuse at that time.

He didn't care that his father was hitting his head until all he could see was scarlet red pouring from sides of his face. He didn't care that he threw up just because he was a control freak. He didn't care that he thought he was worthless. He didn't care that the dance was all dead and dark. He didn't care that he hated himself so much. He quit dance because after Sam and Tucker's death.

A week after.

He thought it didn't bother him as he picked up the photos of his friends or if he had to pass by their old lockers or if he had to look at their empty seats through that time with the entire student body asking questions -

_it bothers him to no end, he wants to forget but they make it so hard, and he needs to get out, he needs to escape, his feet are aching, his stomach churns, his eyes are filling up with tears as he shifts his feet to his dance moves, he falls, it hurts, his jaw feels like breaking_

- and he couldn't dance because he can't anymore.

Because he wanted to forget.

He needed to forget.

If he had to move on.

It wasn't like his dance was the most beautiful thing in the world.

* * *

He feels like **her**.

When he **falls**.

And **breaks**.

And **shatters**.

He might've **bleached** his hair blonde.

Or **killed** himself.

He **tried**.

Bleach blonde hair was a signal that there's something **wrong**.

He doesn't like that.

He tries **killing** himself.

And Kitty found him.

And took care of him for a portion of time.

Before he ran of from her.

He feels like he's a **monster**.

Because he doesn't just **shatter** himself.

He **shatters** her.

* * *

Kitty stared at Johnny 13.

She didn't need to speak words. He knew her words and he responded, 'don't kill her." He softly swept his hand around her stomach. "She's life. She's you and me combined. Do you want to kill us?"

Her eyes would fill up with tears. "I don't want to hurt us."

"Then don't."

And she knew exactly that he wanted her child.

As much as he needed the baby girl.

Because she was carrying life. It gave her a reason to forget dead and focus on how beautiful and how much life she could be. She would be theirs. And they'd show off their families that they can be together.

That they can be happily married.

With a girl.

Johnny and Kitty's child.

It sounded good to them.

No.

It was perfect.

* * *

**you **want

**her** to

**grow** up

and

have **dreams**

and

**listen** to her whines

but

you'd **love** her

big **eyes**

and

soft **hair**

_**(even if it's a little greasy)**_

because she's not **you**

she's not **me**

she's both of **us**

mixed together

don't you want **her**?

don't you want **us**?

* * *

Jack stared as Danny left the room.

Dance.

He never liked dance.

He never thought of dance.

Maybe that was why he was staring.

* * *

**Accept** me?

Then you **_love_** me.

Don't.

Then just **get** **out** of my face.

Because I don't need to be **broken**.

* * *

**There you go. I need you for another chapter. Gives me happiness.**

**;) Gab**


	19. Surgery

**Okay...now, i like that this isn't going to take much to finish. but i hate that it will almost be the end! so review if you really are going to miss my chapters, guys. Don't worry I have'nt forgotton about Kitty and Johnny 13 but there is a catch right here! ;) And I need to put all my energy here.**

**Chapter 19  
Surgery**

* * *

Danny's glassy eyes might've shattered.

His body froze. _He feels so cold._

His hands went to his toothbrush. _He promises himself that he'd never go back to this habit (but when has that ever meant anything_?)

But as the solid green stick hit the inside of his throat, he felt so dry inside. He was dry inside. And he felt himself get dizzy, so messed up dizzy. And he still had those words mixed up in his head as he let the toothbrush slip from his hands. Everything was still so dizzy. He was still so dizzy. He didn't know what to touch, what to do, what to be anymore. He could feel his heart beat slow down -

_slower, just so damn slower, and slower_

- he stroked.

* * *

He **promised**

_(But when has that ever meant **anything**?)_

He ended up **playing **that game again

_(Because you're so **good **at it)_

He eats as he **wants** to

But then, ends up **throwing up**

_(Because you think you'll look **better**)_

And he walks close to the **mirror**

Looks at his **face**, and his **body**

_(and you **pretend** you're all you **want** to be)_

_

* * *

_

All Danny could see was black.

But his ears were open.

His stomach churned at the sounds around him.

He didn't know where he was anymore. He didn't know who he was anymore. But he did. He thought he did. And he felt a jolt of pain through his chest as he heard words. Echoes rushing and ripping through his damaged crippled mind.

_"What's wrong with him?"_

_"Bulimic patients are like this."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Make themselves throw up after eating."_

_"He won't do that...he w-won't..."_

_"He did."_

_"You're lying."_

He wanted to laugh. He did. He wanted to see his mother's face if he told her he actually did but he looked over at his own thoughts. He thought he was insane. He let the thought at the back of his head, trying to find himself in an endless black hole in the back of his mind. His subconscious. There were a lot of vivid pictures here. He could see people - Tucker and Sam, smiling, laughing - himself - nothing wrong was here.

Everything good was here.

He wanted to stay here forever but he didn't want to.

Because he felt alone...

He was alone.

_"I need to shock him."_

_"W-what?!"_

_"The electrodes around his heart aren't working properly. And he needs to be on a pacemaker after this."_

_"No, you can't do that!"_

_"Daniel is a good boy, I'm sure but he's also a bulimic. And what he did usually effects his esophagus but right now, it's the electrodes around his heart. And we need to shock him because his heart beats are too slow... they might stop... just sign here."_

_"Won't you kill him if you'd shock him?"_

_"No."_

_"And a pacemaker?"_

_"Surgery. I'll implant it in him..."_

_The sound of pen hitting paper._

He didn't want to be shocked. He wanted to reject it. Wanted to do something but his eyelids didn't want to open up. He wasn't ready to leave this place yet. Maybe, just maybe, he could be here all the time.

And be there too.

He wanted to be alive in that world even if he'd be dead in reality.

He didn't want them to surgically remove or put anything but his lips wouldn't move. He wouldn't move. He was stiffened and still. He could hear them.

But it was so vague.

He wanted it to be clear again.

* * *

They think you can't **feel**

An **electrical** **jolt** up in your chest

They think you can't **feel**

**Pain**

They think you can't **feel**

Yourself **slip**

But they think you can **feel**

**Happy**

He had a scar to show everything right now. In the middle of his chest, sliced up.

It showed that he was damaged. That he was incomplete. That there was something wrong in him. And he wondered why didn't they just keep it open.l

And let him bleed.

To death.

Because it seemed like living with the thought of being damaged was killing him anyways.

* * *

For a while,

You could believe you were **dead**,

For a while,

You could pretend you're **happy**

But now, **vivid** images

Turn **gray**

And you remember you're **alive**

Even if you haven't felt all the more

**Dead**.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Hurt to review?**

**;) Gab**

* * *


	20. Cut

**Oh here you go. An update.**

**Chapter 20  
Cut**

* * *

_"Why didn't you tell me you were bulimic?"_

He didn't even know he was bulimic. After all, he didn't know that making himself throw up after a meal actually did make him a control freak of everything else in the world. For a while, living with a disorder sounded so natural but now, that he actually did have a disorder. All Danny can think of was how unnatural, how different, how abnormal he felt. Because of the pacemaker, of the bulimia, of the half-deadness. _It's normal, Daniel._

That guy knew nothing about him.

But his name. And his simple disorder.

He didn't know how he felt. But after all, he had to give him some credit. He didn't know anything about him yet. He'd been living in a disorder mode for a while and he didn't even know it. He was an idiot, a freak, stupid little boy. As he stepped out of the shower, he couldn't help but feel how it would really feel like if he really did burn himself. After all, he did have a mark (mocking him, saying he was damaged) on his chest.

And he had those feelings (begging him, driving him to the edge, telling him to just end it all).

He wanted to end it all.

But his mother?

His sister?

His father?

What would they think?

He didn't know anymore. He touched at the scar and shut his eyes as tightly as ever. He didn't think he knew anything anymore.

* * *

**marks **of

**life**

**death**

**damages**

as **permenant **as ever

**staring**

looking

**mocking**

him

as **hard **as **possible**

little **colors **of

**blue**

**gray**

**black**

flashing

as **quickly **as **possible**

it almost seems **impossible**

* * *

Kitty glanced at Johnny 13.

And the silence spoke.

_I heard you're keeping her._

_I heard you like her._

_I heard you care._

_I heard you always did._

As the silence flooded through the room.

_I heard you miss Danny._

_I heard he's in the hospital._

_I heard he'll be fine._

_I heard he is fine._

And more silence before two pairs of eyes looked at each other.

_I know he'll be fine._

* * *

**Sometimes**

Silence **spoke **more than words

**Sometimes**

Words couldn't **describe **actions

**Sometimes**

Action aren't **meant** to happen

**Sometimes**

You look through **photographs**

To see if his **smirks **and **brown **eyes

Before you **realize **that he's

_**Never**_

Going to take your **happiness **away again.

* * *

Maddie looked at Danny properly.

_"Are you happy now?"_

Words flashing through her mind.

As she stared at him.

As hard as possible.

As soft as possible.

"Are you okay, Danny?"

"I'm fine."

"Do you mean it?"

Silence.

"I don't know."

And maybe she believes it.

Maybe she doesn't.

She chooses to believe it.

"What happened to you?"

Because her perfect child might've hurt himself badly.

_He did hurt himself badly._

She realized.

And he gave a simple short smile.

And she quickly knew the answer.

_I don't know_.

* * *

Danny stared at his mother.

_"Am I happy now?"_

Ripped a cut through his mind.

And he looked away.

As quickly as possible.

As slowly as possible.

Speakings answers.

To her questions.

And then silence.

Before he let the truth out.

And it hurt.

It hurt so bad the surgery was nothing compared to it.

"What happened to you?"

He didn't want to confess.

But his eyes gave him away.

Even if his mind was thinking of something else.

_Is it my fault?_

* * *

Stay with a **_broken _**boy

And get

_**Cut**_.

* * *

**Review! I'm hoping to finish this soon. ;D Even if I'm going to miss this. A few more chapters and it's all wrapped up. I really am going to miss this thing...oh well, you might be occupied with everything else I might think of doing! Now...reviews? Just a few more for a few more chapters!  
**

**;) Gab  
**


	21. Lucky

**Well, here it is. Now, chapter 21 is up! :P**

**Chapter 21  
Lucky

* * *

**Danny had already tried to not be afraid.

Because he let his father in and Jack didn't like what he saw inside of Danny's heart. Bleeding walls, scratches, and bruises, not normal. Too abnormal. Too half dead. He didn't know what he was thinking at the moment and now, touching the dark scar that fell on his chest, he knew why. He knew that he wanted to be loved and not make him think _'is it wrong to love him now?'_

It did seem wrong.

Who would love a scarred (permanently showed scar) fourteen year old?

It was wrong to love himself at the second. And Danny had always known that if he didn't love himself, who can love him? No one. The thoughts rushed through his mind. _Why did I let you inside of me, Daddy? Make you see my destroyed heart?_ And the feeling of pain shocked up his numb body.

He couldn't sleep.

Knowing that there was a mark on his chest that meant that he was damaged, a scar that would never heal. It just reminded him of his life. Why couldn't he just die? Because the few moments in that black empty void made him feel like the afterlife was all worth wild. And now, he felt too evil because he was asking God that every time that Jack looked at his scar, he died a little inside.

* * *

Let's make a **deal**, Daddy.

I learn the **alphabet**.

And you give me a gooey **cookie**.

Let's make a **deal**, Daddy.

I'll **love **you **forever**.

If you **promise **not to **never ever** **leave **me.

But you **break **that one.

You **leave **my **mind**.

My **heart**.

My **life**.

Even if it's just for a **little **while.

Because **never ever** have I stopped **loving **you.

So it **hurt **me. A lot. It **scratched **me.

A **scar **on my chest.

So let's make **another deal**.

Tell me I look **nice **in my **scar**.

And I'll **promise **not to burst into **tears **at night because every time you look at me.

* * *

_Another game. Another broken heart._

_Do you want to know why I do this to myself?_

Jack drove through the street. Nothing. No sign of life around him. Except for the sounds of the engines, the feel of the cold breeze on his face, and the movements of his hands on the wheel.

But his head was filled with thoughts that refused to leave no matter what he did.

_Because I feel so numb inside. And I don't care if the pain fills me up._

_It reminds me I'm as human as he is._

* * *

**Numb**

Cold **numb**.

Just like a **ghost**.

The thing you **hate **so very much.

Is the thing you might be **alive**.

Is the thing you **fear **to become.

* * *

Danny smiled at the breakfast table. Such a fake smile.

Jack stared and pushed the eggs towards his son's side. He looked at it quickly before grabbing onto a fork and try not to overeat. Danny chuckled, such a fake laugh. His fingers pale, his hair a mess, his eyes forced to open up even halfway as he gulped down quick hot coffee rushing down his too dry throat.

And Jack knew.

He tried to look alive.

So Jack wouldn't have to die inside.

So he'd think he wasn't so dead inside.

* * *

I'm **breaking **inside all over again.

Even when I'm trying to seem **alive**.

So you still don't **care**.

So why should **I** care that I'm **dead**?

Why should **I** care that I want to **die**?

If you don't want me to **die**, if you **care**, then why don't you **save **me?

* * *

**DANNY'S POV**

Don't tell me that I'm so forgettable.

Does that scar that throb in my chest, that hurts me all too well, that makes my flesh itchy and red, doesn't affect you at all. Don't tell me you don't feel hurt inside because its all because of you. Don't tell me that it's useless trying to be alive when I know I'm half dead. Does it bother you that I haven't really turned into my ghost half in over months? Does it matter that my heart is ripped out of my chest and that the only thing that doesn't enter back into my chest is because there's already a scar closed that won't let it go in?

Go ahead.

Tell me that I'm forgettable.

That it doesn't matter that my heart's so ripped out of my chest.

That it doesn't matter that my eyes are now breaking of sight whenever I look at you. Because my heart's gone. So my eyes are started to break.

* * *

Daddy, aren't you going to tell me you **love **me?

Okay, I understand.

You still **hate **me.

But are you going to tell me **why**?

Is it still **my fault**?

I'm sorry, so sorry, Daddy.

I know **why **you **hate **me.

I **hate **me too.

* * *

**Okay...review?**

**;) Gab**


	22. Leave

**Another chapter. Chapter 22! *_Grins_* But I think I got another subplot stirring into this plot. Hmm--good enough? I know it's been a while but I had been thinking a lot of things so...hopefully, you're not going to kill me for not updating any sooner!  
**

**Chapter 22 - Leave**

**JAZZ'S POV**

You leave a trail of broken pieces outside.

And you expect me to follow, so when I do, no one knew. No one noticed. No one saw what I saw. Pieces of your broken heart, Danny and you don't care. But I do. Oh how much do I care? I don't know. I just know that I do. So when I watch you, sleeping the way you do, softly sleeping into a sweet slow suicide. I break it into a hundred little pieces inside too, because I want you to be happy.

You made me hollow.

So even the invisbile scratches that everyone else sees at me, are visible to me now and I don't care.

I smile. And laugh and giggle.

But all I hear is the hollow echo of my heart's shatters, and it seems too loud to be mine.

* * *

Could I have **saved him**?

Could I have **saved myself**?

From **shattering**.

Into **pieces**.

From **leaving **me.

And **entering **into a **world**.

Of **nothing **but a **black **endless void.

And **nothing **but **flickers**.

Of **red liquid **falling onto the floor.

And **angels **don't sing.

And the **devil **laughs at his last words before he **locks **the door.

And lets me **stay**.

And never lets me **leave**.

So I let the **echo **of his laugh **fill **me up.

Because I don't want to be **hollow **inside.

* * *

He stayed close to the floor of his house.

Looking up at everything.

While everything looked down at him.

No sounds but the sounds of the sounds of his eyes breaking all over again, and the sounds of his father's snores. The sounds of his sister's laughs at her friends, and the sounds of his mother's constant worrying. _(Why do you have to worry, Mommy? I'm fine! Look at me...I'm just f-fine...tell me I'm going to be fine.)_

Why did he look up when there was nothing to look up to?

Why did everything look down at him like there was nothing inside of him?

Why was he still in the delusion that someone was going to help him upwards? No one did. After all, no one should've cared.

Not for something that didn't exist. Not for something that was dead from their reach. Not for something that would never be as normal as they were.

* * *

Are you **happy**?

Tell me you're **happy **that you did this to me.

That you **broke **my **confidence**.

And run around each **spark **of **confidence **that lit up?

Even in these **days**.

I'm looking for a **spark **that would **light **up.

The **fire **of my **confidence**.

* * *

The backpack was calling out to her.

She was drowning into the darkness inside of the cloth, she felt like any possession in that bag would drown as well and she was trying to shake the black thoughts away from her head but she couldn't have. She wanted to leave, she wanted to get away, she wanted to run away to that perfect world in her mind and just stay there but she couldn't have. Not now.

She couldn't have.

So she stayed there, by the black window, staring out.

And wondered. Before hearing a darkened voice from behind of her. "Hey, you remember me?"

But when she turned around...she faced...

Red eyes.

Orange, messy hair.

Peach-tan flesh.

And a smile that could break the world.

It looked like a messier version of herself with bright red eyes, looking at her. "I know you." Jazz parted her lips. "You were..." she trailed off, as the figure disappeared and she was left staring at the backpack all over again.

Should she?

* * *

Should I live a life where I'm **happy**

Even if they'd probably **_miss _**me?

Even if I'm supposed to be **Daddy's Little Girl**?

They won't _**miss **_me.

I was never **Daddy's Little Girl** inside.

I was **Daddy's Little _Pyscho_**.

With bright **red **eyes.

* * *

_**sometimes**_

**when you**

**wait**

**and _wonder_**

**you end up _thinking _of one thing**

**and one thing only**

_**why am I waiting?**_

**And the only words that come out of your mouth is**

**"what am I waiting _for_?"**

* * *

**Do you like it?**

**;) Gab**


	23. Dead

**Okay...here is the new chapter. I'm sorry for not updating for a long time.**

**Chapter 23 - Dead**

**JAZZ'S POV**

Choking on smiles.

Suffocating in my own blood.

My soul was inside of me as another body, a dead corpse, with scars and oozing raw flesh that burns at the sight of sunlight. My soul was covering itself with clothes and a second base of flesh that was so thick, no one could know about the corpse inside of me. She started appearing all the time now, the girl with scars and raw flesh that looked like winter and smelt like summer. Standing in front of me, her eyes so concentrated - on something. On me. Her eyes were looking for revenge because I looked her up, into a prison. A sick, sick person in my prison, locked away to never see the light of day again.

I wanted to let her out.

I had to.

Because she was fed up. She didn't like seeing me watch my brothe suffer. She didn't like watching me start hating myself for what had happened to him.

Suffocating in my own blood.

Choking on smiles.

Burning inside of my body.

Scars.

Of my brother's pain.

* * *

Choke.

**Suffocate**.

**Burn**.

Until there's **nothing **left in your thick part of skin.

Choke.

**Suffocate**.

**Burn**.

Until everyone **sees **what had been **hidden **away.

Until everyone **sees you**.

* * *

He stood by his window.

Looking down and up and everywhere, feeling the world's thick air drowning him into imaginary water of blood and hate and disorders. His father couldn't look at him anymore. His mother was trying to make it all better. But did she know what was wrong? She didn't. All she knew that he was perfectly unhappy. That he watched. He let his eyes watch his body being crushed into another boy's body.

The little boy inside of his head was screaming.

That little boy. That little Danny. Screaming because it was painful.

_(It'll all be over, Danny. It's just a little prick.)_

Injection of lies and black and hate, until nothing could get inside of the little boy's body and he'd explode. He'd explode into a million little pieces onto the ground. He'd explode into nothingness because of everything. Just freaking everything.

"Everything is wrong," he whispered to himself.

He touched the glass.

A glass between him, suffocation, hate and between affection, love, and care.

* * *

Have you ever looked at **glass**?

You see a sorta **unclear **reflection in the window.

So **blurry**.

Reminds you of a **painting**.

A painting so **vague **that no one can see but you.

That's why you spend your life trying to **paint **that window.

Because you want everyone to **see**.

What they can't **see**.

And to **hide**.

Hide your **emotions**.

Hide your real **reflection**.

Until you become a **different **person.

* * *

She ran.

She ran as fast as she could've.

She ran.

She ran to be free.

She ran.

Her legs were paining her. Her soul was released from her body. And if they wanted her back, they'd have to catch her. Her heart was on shatters on the road.

And she was no one.

And she didn't care.

She just ran.

* * *

You're becoming a part of the **wind**.

**No **one.

Everyone.

You're the thing that everyone **breathes**.

And no one can **see**.

You're **invisible **to everyone.

And they can't** see anything** at all.

Even your **invisible **red **blood **onto the floor.

Along with the **pieces **of your **heart**.

You **left **that for Danny.

He'll need those **heart pieces **to mend his **heart back**.

And you'll finally **feel **what he felt.

A **broken piece** of **time**.

* * *

**always**

**check your _heart_**

**for any words**

**before you fly _away_**

**because those words are the very thing**

**that holds back**

**your red butterfly wings**

**of love**

**of blood**

**of death.**

**before you fly _away_**

**make sure every door key is locked**

**so that blood doesn't stay**

**and you're left, alone, dead**

**because your heart's so locked**

**and your body lets out red**

**to show that too much you've bled  
**

* * *

"Hey there, little girl."

She spends around to face a boy. A boy with orange hair. Just like hers. A boy with turquoise eyes. Just like hers. And a boy with a smirking grin. Just like her. A boy with a black t-shirt and blue pants. Just like her. He walked towards her, his face was rigid and cold and he grabbed her as she tried to flee away from him. "You can't run away from me." And she looked at him. He looked just so like her.

A male copy of her.

"Why not?"

"Can you run away from yourself?"

"What are you?" she was in hysteria. She'd never been out this late and she'd never been all alone. With no one knowing her and no arms to hug her. No words to satisfy her. No one to confide in her. No one. All alone. "Why are you here?"

"I'm you," the boy says. "I'm here because you are. You're thinking about him. I'm a mixture of you and him. Danny and Jazz I guess. You only see me because you miss him too much. I've been assigned to take you somewhere."

"Where?"

"I'll show you."

"Where?!"

And his eyes twinkled a bright blue color that reminded her of Danny and she nodded her head. "Take me there."

"Good girl."

She was so crazy and free and scared that she thought that he was her only way out.

When all he was doing was pushing her in.

* * *

ever **see**

a mixture of **you**

and **him**?

ever see a mixture

of **nothing **and **everything**?

it's so **unnatural**

yet so **natural**

a **lullaby **in the

**darkness**

* * *

A sound of a baby.

So real.

So in front of her.

So bloody real.

And he was hers. He'd always been hers.

Her little baby.

Her little John.

* * *

you created **life**

and you're **scared**

you can take it **away**

and watch as his body lets out **red**

to see how much he's **bled**

* * *

**_inside _**out

you're always **dead**

* * *

**Was this chapter worth all your wait?**

**Sorry. I tried to make it as long as possible.**

**;) Gab**


	24. Suffocate

**Oh, I read the review...hmm...I don't like making things easy. They're always hard for everyone. Especially life. I want to make this sound hard and I promise you guys a happy ending. As happy as I can make them be. **

**Chapter 24 - Suffocate**

Her heart must've been breaking.

Because he twirled her, danced with her, in the streets.

_Just like Tucker and Sam._

Her face was pale, as white as snow, and she was pure white. She was innocent and lovely and beautiful. And nothing could make her soiled. On the outside. On the outside, she was pure white snow.

On the inside, she was a pure black hole.

And he was falling into her.

As he stopped her, his hands on her hands and he looked down.

She can see the hole that was her on the floor.

"Where are we going?" her voice was soft, and as soft as copper in the black dusk, he brushed his fingers on her hair and threw them away. To make her make as pure as pure as possible but nothing was pure snow again.

And he curved his lip into nothing but a sorrowful frown. "Hell."

Just to throw a pure snow white girl into the black hole of her own heart.

* * *

**her _heart_**

**was all filled with**

_**blackness**_

**& an endless _void_**

**of _nothing_**

**and _everything_**

**and as she falls onto the _hole_,**

**& _burns_**

**& _dies_,**

**her skin's filled with _scars_**

**& lies**

**& _deception_.**

**and she can't let them go _away_.**

* * *

_You've been locked inside of my heart._

What was stopping him?

He wanted to cut himself. Just get this over with (_no one should know, no one would care, no one could save me_) and nothing was left inside of him anymore. Tears running down the soft flesh of his cheek and he didn't know how to stop them. He was out of control. He needed control. He needed someone to show him how to control himself. But until now, his brain was long dead, and no oxygen was in his lungs and his heart--

Oh, his heart was broken and shattered and blood was on the floor and no one wanted to clean those pieces (_no one wants to clean you and fix you_).

So they just keep staring at him.

Like he's a horror movie on replay.

Can he ever feel like a human again?

Or will he always feel like someone had taken away a piece of his heart and would never ever give it back? The best piece of his heart: all the trust and acceptance and happiness had been ripped into tiny pieces. And nothing was left anymore.

_The key has been thrown away; within it, you must always stay._

* * *

Lock me **inside**.

And never let me go **away**.

Because the **blood **inside of me.

Is the only thing that's **keeping **me.

**Alive**.

Never let me step **outside **again.

Because if I do.

I'll **bleed **all over again.

Soon.

I'll be **dead**.

Because of **you**.

* * *

_**i can't feel myself bleed**_

* * *

Danny wondered if there would ever be anyone who could see past the labels.

Ghost.

Idiot.

Freak.

Crazy.

And he always wanted just one label: son.

He wasn't a son anymore. Not to mommy or daddy because they didn't care.

He wanted him to be perfect and then, he broke him when he did it. He didn't love what he'd become because it was the thing he depised. Jack didn't want Danny to be dead. But what if being dead was the only way of being alive?

No one understood that.

Living was hard but dying was easy.

_(can't you look at me, daddy? Why? Am I ugly? Am I stupid? Am I not your son anymore? Am I--?)_

Just nothing.

How can he look at nothing?

* * *

**Label **me.

As the "son".

That was **decieved**.

By his own **father**.

(Daddy, you **lie**.)

And those **lies **are now **inside **of my **blood**.

(Make me **bleed**.)

To **death**.

(I don't want your **lies**.)

Because they're **staining **me too.

* * *

**your blood is staining the floors of everyone else's hearts...**

* * *

Danny just wanted to be normal.

How can he ever feel normal when he wasn't? He wasn't normal. He was bleeding, inside out. His soul was covered in scars. His eyes weren't pure. They were vicious. They pulled you into a blue sea that everyone drowned in.

So why was he surprised when he drowned in himself?

* * *

**before you let me _die_,**

**_drown _into my blood.**

**and see all the _deception_**

**_suffocate _you.**

* * *

Veins.

Veins.

Arteries.

Arteries.

All ripped into pieces.

Jazz slowly opened her eyes. And she was in someone's arms. Not just someone. A boy. Not just a hallucination. A real boy. "What's your name?"

"Jasmine." And she wanted to cry but bit back her tears.

"Can you see?"

Veins.

Arteries.

Ripping.

"I-I-don't know."

What do you know when you're watching a real live horror movie in your eyes?

He was a doctor's son.

* * *

**and you can see all his _veins _pop out of his body.**

_**lies, lies, lies.**_

**just let me _suffocate _in your _veins_.**

**i've lost my _veins_.**

**_nothing _carries anything from my _heart _anymore.**

**i've lost my _arteries_.**

**_nothing _carries to my _heart _anymore.**

**because it's all _blood _and _stained suffocation._**

* * *

**It's long. I feel better now that I did this. I feel so attached to this.**

**;) Gab**

**Any feedback? Hopefully, a few more chapters.**


	25. John 13: Part 1: See You Now

**Another chapter. Yay. ;D**

**Chapter 25 - John 13: Part 1 - See You Now**

A baby stuck in his cot.

His eyes were closed. They've never opened.

John's face was pale, tiny and helpless. Not knowing how to speak out. He was breathing and nothing was there but flesh and blood. He kept on breathing in and out, before he found himself trying to stay alive. John's body was so tiny that nothing was inside of him and nothing will ever be. His eyes were too shut tight, nothing coming out of his mouth and as his pale flesh hardened, he felt stiffened in place. Unable to move.

Unable to breathe.

John was cowering.

"No," Johnny's face was locked on his little son's as he twitched and broke and shattered. He touched John's face and John didn't stop twitching. He brought the little piece close to him. He could smell the blood and ectoplasm both stirring inside of him. Kitty's face had nothing inside of it. She was staring at little John, who was so helpless and hopeless in his state. He couldn't see. Little John couldn't see anything. "No!"

Kitty's arms outstretched and she scooped John from his hands. John's voice was cracked and subsided; he was crying, laughing, breaking, nothing was left at all from the little boy's mouth that didn't come out. She could see herself in John. She could see her human life; the little baby that was inside of her so long ago. "Kitty Cat..." Kitty's head whooped upwards and she looked at Johnny.

Kitty Cat. She hadn't heard that since Katie was transforming. Katie was a high school girl who cut herself. Katie was a suicidal maniac because she didn't have her father accepting her little heart's wishes. Katie was this little girl that was just a mass inside of Kitty's body. Katie was gone. Katie was now John.

John was sick.

Jonathon was Katie's other half.

* * *

**Jonathon and Katie,**

**Sitting on a tree,**

**Twirling, dancing, kissing--**

**_GONE_.**

**Johnny and Kitty,**

**Phasing through the tree,**

**Looking, breaking, laughing--**

_**THEY'RE STILL HERE.**_

* * *

And they were both materilazed inside of John's body.

John was still twitching when Kitty put him down onto his cot again. Her eyes filling up with tears and nothing could stop her from shaking. "He's so..."

"Like me, baby." Johnny realized. Not able to hide it. Not wanting to reveal it. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, he brushed his hand on John's face who didn't stop shivering. "He's not a ghost. He's both ghost and human."

"My father--there was these few genes that I had in me. Human genes. I was a carrier to Huntington's. It's not supposed to show until you're 30 but I'm not human. This gene was passed down to John. That's why he's like this." Katie can remember how her father used to get drunk, threaten to kill her, rape her, do whatever he wanted with her because she was just a posession but two days later, he'd forget everything and blame her. His little daughter. His wife's ugly face. "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to kill him."

Johnny was shaking from the anger inside of him. He tried not to cry. He tried to contain himself. It was hard.

His son was going to forget every touch, every hug, every loving word in moments after he said it. His son was going to go psychotic. His son was going to be disabeled and scared and alone. And there was nothing he can do about it.

* * *

I'm sorry, **heart**.

I've **broken **you too much.

But I can't **fix **you, now.

The **damage **has been done.

It's **marked **now.

And it'll always **stay**.

* * *

Danny knew that the jolting pain in his body was better than the pain of the blade.

The scalpel was just so tiny in his hands and he wanted it to burn inisde of his body. He should be able to burn. He can't be a frozen statue. He can't be frozen and he didn't want to be an observer of life as his sister beat herself down and was now gone. Possibly gone forever.

The scalpel hit the scar from his surgery and he wrote a 'K' at the used to be blurry 'I'.

At the right side of his chest, he wrote 'JAC'.

JACK.

Because he'd scarred him so very much.

And now, it was written.

He ended up, collapsing onto the floor. And the blackness overtook him. He knew that he didn't faint. He could still feel himself breathing. His heart didn't want to fail. It should've crashed. What was left of his heart? What was left of him?

Tears ran down his cheek, running towards the pool of blood on his chest.

_My tears were making bloody ink._

_And I will always be bleeding ink, because I was a broken link._

* * *

**Bleed ink.**

_**I LOVE YOU.**_

**Bleed ink.**

_**I HATE YOU.**_

**Bleed ink.**

_**I'M SORRY.**_

**Bleed ink.**

_**I WANT TO DIE.**_

**Bleed ink.**

_**I CAN'T...**_

**At some point, you always ran out of bleeding ink.**

**And every word you written always turned black.**

**Because life was a broken link.**

**And you're throwing your pain in a flashback.**

* * *

He never left the house anymore.

They stared like he was a freak.

They stared like he was dead.

They stared like he was a cutter.

They stared like he wasn't human.

They stared.

At the hole that was deep into his heart.

They can see everything.

* * *

Stop **looking**.

Onto the **hole **that was me.

Stop **looking**.

At the **scar **that shaped me.

Stop **looking**.

At my **bruised **soul.

Stop **looking**.

At the black haired boy that **hid **his eyes.

Stop **breathing**.

Because everything's suddenly **surreal**.

And nothing's **real**.

Am I even **breathing **anymore?

Am I even **alive **anymore?

When did I **die**?

* * *

**Another _bulimic _symptom.**

**To shock every electrode in your _heart_.**

* * *

A high pitched scream.

When you're falling into a black hole.

You're nothing but a red rose inside of the black hole.

Tucked inside of a hole, drowning inside of the black ocean.

It seemed like forever.

You'd scream and scream and scream.

And cry.

Because you don't know what to do anymore.

Your throat is dry. Your heart is racing. Every electrical shock inside of your heart shocks you into a deeper, deeper sleep. You'll never wake up and you don't know if you're dead or if you're alive. You're just confused and spiraled into a deep void of nothingness. They're staring. You can feel those eyes staring at your body because you're not normal. You're screaming because they're staring.

They're staring at an imperfection.

"Danny, wake up!"

You can't.

"Danny!"

You can't. You don't know how to wake up. You're in a deep sleep. You're weak and you're dying and living all at once and you don't know what to do but scream. Scream because you think that blood is going to bubble out of your mouth.

"Danny!"

* * *

Your **heart**'s **infected**.

By **his viruses**.

It's all **his **fault.

And he doesn't even **acknowledge **it.

Your **heart**'s **infected**.

With **blood **and **scars **and **pacemakers **that you don't **want**.

Or **need**.

You're supposed to be **heart**/_**dead**_.

* * *

Jazz woke up to the sound of screaming.

She was home. Those nice police officers had taken her home.

Light blinding lights stroding through her brain, shocking her into deep unconsciousness. And as she looked back, there he was. He was real and alive and everything else was surreal. Her hand on his chest and she felt like her breath was breaking and her mind couldn't take all these colors in a bang. "Jazzy!" her father managed to slur and she didn't care. All the colors were suddenly hitting her.

But she finally noticed how black his hair was.

She touched his hair, stroked it, felt the greasiness behind it.

"Bulimia. It's a symptom of bulimia. He's still frequently making himself vomit."

She felt like throwing up.

Her pool of blackness that collected inside of her.

* * *

Someday, somehow, you're going to **see**.

The **blackness **you've been hiding in for so long.

* * *

John's tiny body was twitching.

Uncontrollable pain pulsing through every part of his vein and artery and he can't stop the pain from overtaking his body. One part of John's heart was Katie's; blocking the arteries from coming to her heart; she can't take everyone else's acidic blood inside of her and John suddenly can't either. One part of John's heart was Jonathon's; blocking the veins from taking blood away from the heart; he needs every part of his blood right now.

John wanted to open his eyes. He really did.

But he didn't know how to.

They didn't know that he could understand. He could understand them all. He could understand every cord of their voices as they mashed together. He could understand everything.

He could understand that he can't see anything.

* * *

He can understand that he was **unable **to **see**.

But he can **feel**.

**Her **pain. **His **pain.

And **hear **every damn loud **heartbeat **that racked in his body.

He just wanted to **see **those two people that created him.

He wanted **colors **to **play **with.

To **paint **everything pretty.

And to make everyone see the **pretty **pictures he's painting.

With two tiny hands.

One was **Jonathon**'s.

One was **Katie**'s.

So just look at the **messy **painting he did.

Of **Johnathon**'s car and his favorite colors; blue and **black**; of his football.

Of **Katie**'s **heart **and her eyes and her hair...

And **Katie**'s **father**.

I'm sorry for letting that **acid blood **in me.

It's starting to **burn **every part of me.

I don't know how to **stop **it.

Will you hold my **heart**, mommy?

You'll keep it **safe **from granddaddy's **acid blood**.

* * *

**Long. Long chapter.**

**;) Gab**


	26. John 13: Part 2: Love You Now

**Only a few more chapter and this story will be over. :P I'm really going to miss this but I'll be happy that this masterpiece is over.  
**

**Chapter 26 - John 13: Part 2 - Love You Now**

Kitty's hands were on John's body.

He was crying and screaming and so tiny in her hands. She brought John to her shoulder, rubbing her hand on his chest and she looked at the glass on the hospital. So clear and perfect and so bloody pretty that she wanted to cry, too. Johnny's hand rigidly on her shoulder. "I think...you need to..." her broken thoughts coming out of his mouth. "Your father. He'll know what to do."

She was shaking. "No. Not my father, Johnny."

"It's Jonathon, Katie."

She finally turned around to see him.

He was right.

The little scared boy that was in his eyes was not Johnny 13. It was Jonathon. Just plain Jonathon.

And she didn't know if she loved Jonathon as much as she loved Johnny.

* * *

What happens when your past comes back to **haunt **you?

**Haunt **your **shadows**.

**Haunt **your **heart**'s **blood**.

**Haunt **your **brain**.

**Haunt **your **broken **little **pieces**.

Until you're being pulled into your own **blood**, drowned and burned, until you're being pulled into your own **veins **and you can't taste anything but the taste of winter **snowflakes**. But the taste of the **coldness **that you've always felt. The taste of your subconscious' **dreams **and your **silent **tears and your **heart**.

**Haunted**.

By daddy.

By yourself.

By your own **blood** and flesh.

* * *

Jazz were tucked inside of her thick sheets.

She was so tiny now. She was losing weight. Too much. Refused to eat, refused to breathe, refused to sleep, her body was so tiny. She felt short and she felt ugly and unusually crazy. Her face was pale, and her hair was brittle, thinning and breaking. She was looking like Danny. She was a female version of Danny. Her soul was scarred. Her body was bruised. Her breasts were reduced even more; her hips were shrinking and she looked like a boy.

All she needed was black hair and pure blue contacts and she'd be Danny's pure clone.

Her period was slowing down. She was becoming a boy. She blinked and she looked at her hands and her legs and she thought that she really was a boy. She was confused. She was so broken. And brittle. Her heart rate was slowing down. She broke into her bed and she wanted to drown in the thick air. She didn't know how to freaking breathe and she wanted it so much. "Please," she whispered into the air, so tiny and little.

Jazz was alone.

Jazz was in the dark.

Drowning in it, falling in it, dry skin that cracked through her body, and she didn't know how to move around anymore. Her spine was threatening to pop out of her body and her liver was started to secrate blood. Everything was bleeding, inside out and she couldn't stop any of it.

Jazz was scared.

* * *

How close to the **darkness **can you get?

You're **_not _**even in the **darkness **anymore.

You're just **lost**.

In **black **and **red **and white.

And you want **comfort**.

You want to be **found**.

* * *

Danny didn't know how to die or how to live anymore.

Just lost.

Just dead.

Just nothing.

Danny's hand held on the door but he was afraid to get out. Afraid they'd stare. Won't they look away? He was just so confused. He thought he died. He knew he was alive. He didn't know anything anymore. He just wanted to bang his head onto the door and blow his brains out but he didn't know if he should or if he shouldn't. His frozen body won't let him do anything anyways.

He licked the bottom part of his lip.

And slowly opened the door, stepping outside was like stepping into another world.

They still stared.

He had purple eyelids, had cracked flesh, had a thin frame, thinner than a boy should be and he can taste the spewed vomit in his mouth. He knew what they were staring at. His mouth was swollen and even in the hot summer sun, he was freezing. He had the same blue eyes and the same black hair and the same everything and everything but no one knew him. People who laughed at his hair were now looking at him in some sort of sympathy.

He didn't need their sympathy.

He was fine.

He was fine...

* * *

**Mental **note:

You're **never **fine.

You'll **never **be fine.

And repeating it in the head.

Won't **make **you fine.

But you **still **do it.

To grasp onto the little **piece **of **hope **that seemed so far away.

* * *

John smiled.

A chalky smile that shouldn't meet anything.

But it broke her heart. She brought the child close to her chest as he panted softly, trying to breathe regulary. His shoulders still jerked. His eyes were threatening to roll back in his head but he didn't care. Kitty was shaking from fear. But Johnny was behind her, holding her hand like he did in high school when she was afraid to look into his eyes again. And a sixty-five year old man came out of the room.

Same bloody brown eyes.

Same coldness.

Some things never changed.

"Dad?"

"Katie, what the hell do you want?" his voice still had that edge that cut her so bleakly.

"My son..." she stepped back. Johnny held her stomach, and kissed her ear and caressed her endlessly just so that she can feel safe. But she didn't feel safe anywhere with him staring, with him judging, with him looking and baring the sight of his ghostly daughter.

"SON?!" he growled loudly at her.

"Johnny...my child..."

It was happening so fast that Johnny didn't know how to react. He took the child from her arms as the father's bottle hit her head. It still hurt. Ghosts were insensitve to pain. She could've phased but she knew that he had Huntington's. He didn't know that she was dead. "What the hell did you do to yourself?" sometimes, you didn't need the same eye color to have the same innocence in your eyes. Green hair. Red eyes. But the same red clothes.

He made sure that she was bleeding.

"Green? I must be crazy."

He'd been seeing different colors so he really didn't pay attention.

"Dad, I'm dead. Remember? I died. I died in your arms."

He scoffed. He could suddenly remember that she was dead. And he didn't care at all. His eyes had just that hard mass in them that used to be hers. She stood up, and as Johnny held her with one hand so that she could steady himself. "Jonathon, my child!" Johnny didn't realize that he was holding John too so Kitty held the child as he shook and she looked at her father. "Johnny..."

"You're right." Johnny's face was almost as pale as a bone. "My name is Jonathon."

She held John to her shoulder, stroking the little ruffles of his hair. "It's good that he didn't see this."

Later, she cried and sobbed and she didn't know if there was anything left in her. "He didn't know I was dead," and that could really strike a cord into her brain. The person that she tried so hard to impress didn't know that she was dead. "He didn't know that his own daughter was dead," she bit her lip but the tears were still spewing out of the ruby color of her eyes. That night, John finally semi-opened his eyes, just for a little while, the sparkle of brown was shining.

He had her father's eyes.

He had Katie's eyes.

* * *

His soul was **Katie**'s soul.

Katie was **abused**.

Katie was **hated**.

Katie was **never loved**.

He **can't** be Katie...

* * *

**Hmm...I got tired.**

**;) Gab**


	27. Blood to Blood

**Hey, another chapter...soon, this story will be done. It's only 31 chapters.**

**Chapter 27 - Blood to Blood**

Blood to blood.

Artery to artery.

Vein to vein.

Nothing to everything.

You were nothing. You weren't even Danny anymore. Danny had a filling inside of him, had blood and love and happiness inside of him. You were nothing now. You didn't have any blood left. Your arteries were threatening to break. Your veins wanted to pop out of your body. And you were filled up with the nothingness and emptiness and heavy air and everyone breathed you in but they couldn't see you.

They breathed in your happiness and your blood and your love and you envied all of it.

Because you didn't want to bleed anymore.

They were taking that from you. They wanted to see you blood. They wanted to see every part of you, every scar, everything. So if you were nothing, how could you feel pain? That was right. You didn't. Not anymore. Never again.

You didn't need any blood inside of you.

You just wanted happiness and love.

To fill you up.

It would be enough. For the rest of your life. But until now, you were dead and you should've been in a casket.

* * *

Your **bed **tucked you in its **cold **embrace.

**Blacked **you out.

It was your **casket**.

And if you **ever **went out.

You'd be buried by **soil**.

You'd be buried by your **blood**.

You'd be buried by **dullness **and hate and confusion.

You'd be buried by **yourself**.

Your hands are **burning inside** of your **casket**.

You're playing with your own self as a **puppet**.

And you won't **stop**.

Until the last string was **torn**.

And you are so **dead **on the **casket **floor.

* * *

Jazz stood towards the doorway of her bathroom.

Towards her bathroom door, she was clad in her pajamas, stained with spots of blood at the end. She knew why and how. She knew that she was bleeding. Her stomach was flipping. She wanted to throw up. Her pajamas was so yellow that the glass on the mirror would break. She didn't care. Her eyes were staring and staring and staring at the mirror and nothing else but the betraying mirror.

The mirror was speaking.

Her hair was messy.

_(Why was your blood in your hair?)_

Her face was pale.

_(Did all the blood rush to your head?)_

Her head was about to explode.

_(That's the only thing left anyways.)_

Her neck was stiff.

_(Can't move, little statute?)_

Her arms and hands were worn out and battered with pain and blood.

_(You want to die with your brother. You won't let him go.)_

Her chest didn't know how to protect her heart.

_(So torn and open, little one.)_

Her body was tiny and fragile.

_(Anyone can break her.)_

Every organ in her body was screaming. Wanting to rip out of her death trap.

_(Die, die, die. DIE!)_

Her heart was beating pain.

_(Beating with what?)_

She wanted to break the mirror. It was a reflection of her soul and she didn't want to look at the blood-gushed soul in the mirror anymore. She didn't want any of this anymore. She looked down onto the floor and took a blue object, a blue cloth, her brother's torn cloth stained with blood. Blood that her father watched spew. And she smelled it. She inhaled it. She lived by it. After all, blue was his favorite color and now, it was stained with red.

His favorite color suddenly turned blackish blue.

She looked at the mirror. She wanted to break it so badly.

Because she wanted to break her soul.

* * *

**Blue**.

Color of the **sky**.

**Blue**.

Color that was **gone**.

**Blue**.

The **ocean **of the water that used to fill you.

**Blue**.

To say you were **calm**.

**Blue**.

Was stained with **red**.

**Black**.

That hid your **blue ocean **away from the world.

**Forever**.

* * *

John's eyes were brown.

Chocolate brown eyes. And as he started to grow hair, she realized that it was a dusty blonde color (_like his father used to have_). His face was pale (_ghostly pale_) but his eyes- his eyes were a nightmare. They were memories that were forgotten, a scrapbook left on the pool's edge. They were days of the beach turned impulsively to deep winter cold. They were flowers of blood ripping through their skull. They were memories, and winter and blood and -

Katie. They were Katie's.

Katie was all in those eyes. Innocent and beautiful.

They were haunting her. He was a few months old to a few years old in just a few weeks, and she wanted it to stop. He can't grow this fast. She wasn't prepared to see those eyes get innocent, so innocent, and then too innocent to have it crash down into darkness and aliveness and then sudden death. John was now three years old, and he didn't speak a word at all. He looked out the window most of the time before he crashed and started to close his eyes over and over.

Getting engulfed in the darkness.

Again and again.

* * *

**Tiny**.

So **tiny**.

And **helpless**.

So **helpless**.

**Hopeless**.

So **hopeless**.

**Gone**.

Too **dead**.

* * *

Jack walked inside of Danny's room.

He stopped. He just stopped and watched, observed and suddenly, everything was drained out of his body. Every little emotion, from hate and love and concern and everythingness and nothingness was drained out of his body. Suddenly, he was just in the air. He was just staring.

Danny - onto the floor, with blood all over, running from his mouth, cutting through his body, stained everything...

_...blood..._

_...so much blood..._

_...winter and ice..._

_...dead blood..._

And slowly, icy blue eyes opened. There was nothing in them as well. Just nothing. He was ready to die. His eyes were so lifeless and dull. "Save me."

Because death wasn't as sweet as he thought it would be.

* * *

**Was it dark enough? :P**

**;) Gab**


	28. Heart to Broken Pieces

**Sorry for not updating. 31 chapters... like...uh...how many chapters left? 3?**

**Chapter 28 - Heart to Broken Pieces**

He was on the floor.

He was filled with blood.

He was dying...

_...blood..._

_...so much blood..._

Jack touched Danny's face, and felt the burningness of his skin. Jack flinched. Danny wasn't dead. But he was dying so quickly. His life was slipping away each second. Jack looked at Danny, stared, wanted to know why and how and what. "Danny, what were you thinking? Can you hear me?! Son?!" Danny looked at Jack. His eyes were rolling back in his head. He looked like he was crazy insane as a smile burned inside of his mouth.

"My favorite color is blue..."

Jack touched his forehead, burning. Quick. He cradled his son in his arms, felt Danny's hot skin burning into Jack's warmer one, Danny shook and shivered.

The burning sensation was building up in his skin and in his body. His heart was burning too. Danny didn't know what to do anymore. "Danny, are you feeling dizzy? Faint? Anything?" Jack watched as Danny slowly shook his head.

"My name is Daniel."

_...blue sky's turn gray..._

_...blue oceans are holes..._

_...to suck your soul._

* * *

Throw me into a **whirl**.

Of **blood**.

And **gore**.

And **blackness**.

Just take me **away **from him.

* * *

Jazz's body was racking pain.

She was crying and sobbing and she didn't know what to do. Her brother was in her father's arms and he was dying, filled with blood. "This is all your freaking fault!" she exclaimed, scooping her brother away from him. Danny was unconscious, deeply. He didn't know how to breathe or cry or do anything anymore. He was just lifeless. He was staring at her, with open eyes and it looked freaky. Like he was dead but she could feel his heartbeat. His broken heartbeat.

"You don't deserve him."

Jack opened his mouth to protest but didn't find the words.

"I hate you."

That was the last of it.

Jack's body suddenly turned rigid. He hit her face, smacked her to leave a bright red mark and she looked at him, the red mark was bloody red and she looked so innocent and childish and so Danny, holding tight onto her brother's body. "Kill me," she said. "Kill me. I don't care. Just don't touch my brother. You don't need him. He shouldn't need you!"

"I-I-"

"What!?"

Jazz's voice had an edge, furious, harsh. Her hands gripped protectively around Danny's body. The burn sensation was getting to her. Her cold skin was suddenly warm and he gripped at her, throwing himself at her. "My name is Daniel!" he screeched out as he cried, and cried and cried on her shoulder. "I'll die."

Inevitably.

"I'm sorry."

Then Danny broke the silence. And half of her heart in two. He was sobbing in her arms and she was just standing there, confused, frozen, immobilized.

"No. No. Danny."

_...I want to die..._

_...blue, blue, blue...._

_...turns black._

_

* * *

_

**you're dying**

**you're dying**

**you're _dead_**

**all along**

**so why you're so scared of eternal _blackness_?**

**because dying**

**will never be like**

**_death_.**

* * *

You're my flower.

And I'll promise to take care of you.

Promise to wash you with drenched water and keep you into the sunlight and keep you safe. You're my flower and I betrayed you, Danny. Washed you with drenched blood, drops of blood running down your dry leaves. I kept you into the darkness and kept you insecure and your little petals starting falling. One by one, blood stained, fear-striken petals that fell onto the floor.

You're my flower and you're close to the window.

And you're waiting for the sunlight.

You left the leaves of your flowers ran through the heavy air. No one wanted you. No one had you. No one saved you and it was all my fault. Little flower wasn't safe. Little flower had his pink security blanket turn red and black, and made the little flower turn into nothing but black and red. Like the big security blanket that covered you. You'll never get the sunlight again, little flower.

Red dots of blood running through the leaves.

Bye, bye, little flower.

Time to put you on top of a casket.

Because that's where you belong.

* * *

Flower.

**Dead**.

Flower.

**Gone**.

Flower.

**Never **was a flower.

Because flowers were supposed to be **beautiful**.

How can you be a flower if you're **never beautiful**?

The **bees **didn't want to show their pollens through the flower.

Flower.

Was **blue**.

Flower.

Turned **black**.

* * *

Danny, lying on a hospital bed, in his own casket.

His face was pale. His body was shaking. He was silent. He was so lifeless and dead and she feared that he was. Jack even feared it. Maddie stood beside them, wedged between them, and didn't know what to say.

"Maddie--"

"Shut up, Jack."

_...winter and ice..._

"It's all your fault!"

"I know. I know."

**...winter and ice...**

Jazz's face turned rigid. "Stop it! He's dying and you're fighting! Just stop it."

**_...winter and ice..._**

_...silence..._

She walked inside of the room, running her hand through his hair. She didn't care about anything else. Even his hair felt stiff and rigid, as if no one had touched it for far too long. "All his fault...all his fault..." she kept mumbling to herself.

_...silence..._

"All my fault."

**...death and ice...**

* * *

A **snowy winter **tree.

**Snow **covered up.

**Silence **in the scene.

As the sun **burns**.

All the **snow melts**.

All the **love **and **happiness melts**.

All the **acceptance melts**.

And **nothing **is left.

But **leaves **that are far too **black**.

While other trees can **survive **without **snow**.

And turn into beautiful **green **trees.

You **stay**.

**Death **all around your **leaves**.

You're **ugly**.

You're **dead**.

No one cares that you've **suffered **and **burned**.

No one cares that you're **dead**.

* * *

He was pointing at an object.

She looked at it. A teddy bear, fluffy and furry, blue and cute. A baby's teddy bear.

She grabbed onto the soft object that was left behind in the cot of a child.

He touched it, ran his fingers through the boy's head.

"My favorite color is blue."

The phrase ran through the room, echoed.

"But I'm in black."

Forever.

And that was all he could take before he went unconscious again.

She grabbed onto the teddy bear from his weak hand and she kissed his head. "I love you," she said to the little baby's blue teddy bear. "Danny, please, wake up." She shook the blue teddy bear and fell onto his bed, right next to him.

She was losing it.

But she still refused to let go of the blue teddy bear, holding it close to her heart.

"Don't die, Danny, please."

* * *

Can I **shade **your **black **fur into a **blue **one?

I'll be your **paint**.

If you **wake up**...

Please, **wake up**...

* * *

_...blood..._

_...so much blood..._

_...winter and ice..._

_...silence..._

_...dead blood..._

Can I shade **dead **blood **red**?

* * *

**There you go.**

**;) Gab**


	29. Whisper

**Sorry for not updating. It's almost done. And it's summer so I'll have it done before the school year starts!**

**Chapter 29 - Whisper**

Maddie and Jack walked inside of the room that morning.

Jazz looked at them, angry and a crazed look on her face (_nodon_'_teventhinkabouttouchinghim+hedoesn'tneedyouboth_). Her face was pale. Their face were just as pale. And Danny was just lifelessly watching it, a black and white picture in his head, dazed and dizzied and confused and he just wanted to go home. He was dying and he didn't know how to hold onto that little piece of life and he didn't want to die anymore and he just wanted to see colors again.

Everything was so black and white and so red and so dizzy and winter and nothing was in spring anymore. No flowers or bees or anything anymore and nothing was there but snowflakes and death and black endless voids. "Please," his voice was soft, so soft that it was barely heard and Jazz touched his cheek, feeling but she couldn't feel anything and he was sure he couldn't feel her touch. "Please, don't let me die. It hurts..."

For the next few hours, he was throwing up everything he ate. His inflamed throat couldn't take it anymore. He can't swallow and it hurt too much. It hurt too much to eat and then watch it all get thrown away. It was like hard work put to waste. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted it to all just stop. He didn't want to die and he didn't know if he should live and he was just so confused and dizzy and his head was about to freaking explode.

(_nothingsleftinmeanymore/+__pleaselookatme_).

Jack just stood motionless, his hand on his wife's shoulder, watching and watching and watching.

Too late to save him.

Jazz's body was rigid and cold and left with nothing and nothing at all and just emptiness bubbled and burned inside of them. She had his body falling onto her body, rubbing his back softly and he started crying and coughing harshly. And after a while, blood was falling down from his throat, and his throat was dry with pain. "It hurts...it hurts..." he kept saying it and at some point, the words turned into a slurred whisper.

"Look at what you did to him." Her voice spat out.

The acid was buring into his throat. Danny wanted to speak but he didn't know how to.

"I didn't--"

"Yes, you did. You made him into an insane bulimic. Great, you're happy, right?!"

"I'm not insane. I'm not bulimic." Danny slurred into his whisper but then he started to throw up again. His throat was too inflamed. He didn't know how to talk. He put his head onto the pillow and his body was shaking and he was trembling with coldness and nothingness.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

* * *

**Hurt**.

Burning **acid **in his throat.

**Hurt**.

Throwing up.

**Nothing**'s entering **inside **him.

**Nothing **wants to stuff him up.

**Nothing**'s filling him.

Not blood. Not food. **Nothing**.

He's **scared**.

He'll **die**.

**Hurt**.

**Nothing inside **of him at all.

* * *

Welcome to DannyLand.

Where nothing had filled you and emptiness bubbled and burned inside of you and death following you all around until you were onto the casket floor, dead and burning and gone forever and forever and ever and you wanted to go to never never land. You were never supposed to have a heart and you were never supposed to live and you were never supposed to be dead until you suffered enough and enough and enough.

Nothing was enough anymore.

You wanted to die and you wanted to live and you wanted to just get it over with and be ten years old again and have daddy wake you up to the sound of screaming ghosts and tell him he'd be proud no matter what. You wanted to go back to where you were gullible to lies and to where you were burning to nothing and everything was all away and everything didn't want you at all.

You were black.

Everything was hit in black. And DannyLand, oh man, you'd get lost and lost and lost and you didn't know if you were alive or if you were dead or if anything mattered anymore. You were sure that nothing mattered and everything mattered and what you needed mattered and what you didn't need didn't matter but what was all of this? You didn't know what mattered. You didn't know what didn't mattered. You were spiraling and spiraling and spiraling until you threw up everything that was pushed up inside of you and you just wanted to freaking scream and scream and scream.

Because when you whisper, no one listened.

No one could hear.

No one wanted to hear.

And a scream just echoed and made you feel how empty you really were.

So why waste your breath?

* * *

Don't forget the souvenir from **DannyLand**.

A **black **bracelet.

To remind you of my **black **little **heart**.

**Ripped **with chains of hate and spitefulness.

**Bleeding **from every pore.

**Nothing**'s left **inside**.

And **nothing **was **inside **in the first place.

* * *

"No, please, no more food. No more food."

Danny softly begged. His eyes were sparkling innocence and blueness and red circles around his eyes that made him feel exhausted. His purple eyelids pulsed pain and he felt torn. He felt completely torn. Jazz pushed him the bowl. If he didn't eat, it didn't matter. He looked at the bowl, looking at the fruit and at her before his bulimia took over him. He took an apple and looked away, eating and engulfing, as quickly as possible. In a matter of minutes, he was done.

He knew he'd throw up.

"It hurts. It really hurts."

Because what else can you say to describe pure emptiness?

* * *

**i**

**am**

**black**

**and**

**empty**

**and**

**dead**

**and**

**my**

**name**

**is**

**daniel  
**

**& god, please, make him look at me.**

* * *

"Danny."

"It's Daniel, Jack."

"I'm your father."

"Stop talking to him, Dad."

"Jazz, he's dying."

"All because of you."

"Do you really believe it?"

Tears ran down her cheeks & she was breaking & her heart was all around in her chest & tears ran down her heart & blood poured & blood and tears collided & intwined & I don't know what to do & oh God. "It's my fault." & her voice was so soft that it would be like she'd break even more if it was louder.

"Just leave me alone."

"Danny..."

"Daniel."

"Daniel, you're my son."

"Liar."

Dry & chapped & vomitting & burning up all around.

& Let me die here.

* * *

**paint of the _DEAD_**

**bubbled _RED_**

**soon you'll find me as _RED _and _DEAD_**

**on a casket's _BED_.**

* * *

**There you go. One more chapter...no...maybe two more. :)**

**;) Gab**


	30. Scream

**Okay, an update...sorry for the hold up. I'll get the next chapter up soon too!! Today even... yeah, I have it done. Just need to check over it.**

**Chapter 30 - Scream**

John wouldn't stop crying.

He was turned up and confused and he didn't know what to do and he stopped crying all of a sudden and listened. He listened to the sound of something - something beautiful in the background, a sound of miracles and love and happiness and he was so right and right and right and so very right. No one can listen like he can. The sound of trees' leaves were screaming and it was beautiful.

He stopped and listened and he could imagine the twinkly trees singing and screaming and laughing and they were real and little and there were pretty pink butterflies everywhere and it was all so perfect. John curved his lips into a smile and said the first word ever, "Katie." The trees were all so Katie. So innocent and screaming and laughing and young and Kitty's head twisted to look at three year old John's body.

Standing and slowly opening his brown eyes, but he never opened it all the way. Just halfway. He looked sleepy and happy and sweet and she couldn't help but smile. Katie trees had kitties stuck in them right now. And these kitties were beautiful and real and hanging on the Katie tree, wanting to get down and wanting to go away and die and nothing and everything but suddenly, the Katie tree was a Kitty tree, too.

That was what John was hearing.

A kitten's purr and the leaves falling down onto the floor and it was all so real and natural.

* * *

**Leaves**.

In the **wind**.

**Leaves**.

**Falling**.

**Leaves**.

So **real**.

* * *

Danny was tucked inside of his bed and he didn't know if he should cry or sleep or anything anymore. He didn't know how to swallow anymore and he felt like he was dying and the drugs weren't working. "It hurts...it hurts..." he kept on repeating and the doctor didn't care less, and he didn't even bat an eyelash at Danny's messed up, carved appearance and his heart was burning and burning and burning.

_"He's damaged his esophagus far too much and his heart can't take it anymore. I'm afraid we have to operate on his heart. I will probably be hard but we have to take the chance. Either way, he'll die."_

What did that idiot know?!

"Get away."

The doctor shook his head and had this motionlessness and insensitivity and Danny felt like spitting on his face. He was dying and choking and all he could care about was doing the surgery to get his precious money.

"Daniel, behave." Jack almost threatened.

Danny looked up at Jack and looked away from him. Can't he pretend to love him? Can't he?

"Get away. Get away from me, Jack."

Jack made a movement to touch him but Danny jerked away. "What do you want from me?" Danny asked. His sapphire eyes glowing with nothing and everything all at once. "What did I do to you?"

"Daniel, stop."

Danny's eyes filled with tears. "Are you going to kill me?"

Before anything could be said, Danny's heart rate went up. In that instant, he threw up in his bin and looked up at him. And he was so dazed and he was so hurt and he didn't know what to do and he wanted to fall onto the floor and die and he wanted to live and be happy and he didn't know how to be happy and he didn't know how to die and he was just so freaking confused.

He.

Just.

Couldn't.

Take.

It.

He screamed aloud. He didn't care about his throat. He didn't care that he probably couldn't care. He was nauseous and dizzy and burning from the pain inside of him. He vomited blood and this quickly caught the doctor's attention. "Open your mouth, boy."

"Hey, no one talks to my son like that!"

"Why not? You seem to talk to him like that. Open your mouth." The doctor instructed.

Danny bit his lower lip and started to open his mouth. "It's bleeding. His esophagus is bleeding and there are leukocytes in his esophagus."

"Is that bad?"

Jazz blinked and almost had tears running down her eyes. She bit her lip, bringing Danny's shoulder closer to her. She took one last look at Danny's blue eyes and she felt her heart drop and her head explode with sadness and hatefulness and painfulness.

"Mom, Dad, it means that he has cancer."

* * *

**Death...**

**Death...**

**Death** _**burning **_in you.

And you can't **escape**.

* * *

**want to die**

**want to get _killed_**

**want to see death**

**want to be _dead_**

**want to be _nothing_**

**want to be everything**

**& _nothing _matters anymore**

**& you're so confused**

**& you don't know what to do**

**& God, life is just throwing you into your own heart, blood pumping, & the key of your heart's been thrown away & you don't know what to do & you don't know what to believe & you're drowning into your own blood's heart & God, _everything_'s so confusing & hateful & scary & you think you want to be _dead_. & you don't know what to say when the doctor says you're going to die of _cancer_.**

**& you feel so _abnormal_.**

**& you don't care about _death _anymore**

**& all you know is that you're sorta happy that you're _alive_.  
**

* * *

**One last chapter. :D**

**;) Gab**


	31. Black Cancer

**A LONG chapter but the LAST. Sorry, guys. I love working on this as much as you like reading it!**

**Thanks for the reviews and your support through the entire time! Love you guys plenty!  
**

**Chapter 31 - Black Cancer**

"Daniel?"

What can you say when you're in a hospital bed and you just realized you had cancer? Nothing. Danny's face was rigid with icy coldness and he didn't know what to think or feel or smell. He felt death and he smelled a dark mist that swallowed Danny's numbness and he couldn't think at all. He was just lost and dazed and it didn't feel real. He knew he'd slip away. He knew he'd die and fall into nothing and he knew there'd be nothing in him for a long, long time.

He'd be in his casket bed soon. What was the freaking difference? He was already in a casket bed. The different was that he didn't have any hope of getting out of the darkness at all. He'd be dead, he'd be suffering and he'd be a full ghost. He'd be all dead. He'd be all gone. And they'd be all devastated over nothing. He was nothing after all. Danny looked at them. "Don't cry. Just don't cry." He almost begged them.

"Daniel, you're dying."

"What's the difference?" because he wanted to avoid the fact that he was actually going to die.

"Daniel..."

"Dad, get away from me! Haven't you done enough?"

"I love you."

"I hate you. I hate you."

"Daniel, please, listen to me."

"I've been listening for far too long."

"It'll be fine."

"No, I'm dying. I won't be fine. I'll be dead in a casket as soon as possible and you're going to pretend you care as you cry your fake tears. You won't care. If you did care, then why did you make me do this? Why did you make me want to self-vomit myself?" he asked. His eyes felt like rolling back in his head. He was tired and he wanted to fall asleep in the bed and he wanted to be all alone.

No one understood him.

No one understood the pain as much as he did.

"Get away from me! All of you! JUST GO!"

Why did you have to scream?

And he stopped to vomit more and more blood. He was basically gorging himself and he didn't care anymore. Can't he be alone? He wanted the silence to suffocate him. He wanted to be alone because that was what he always felt. Alone. No one knew what he was feeling. No one knew the fire that was burning inside of his heart. They didn't know the pain he was feeling. They didn't know how much he just wanted to die and how much he wanted to live for acceptance.

"And mom...congratulations, I'm a half ghost."

* * *

It was so **sick**.

But God, it felt **so **right.

It was so **wrong**.

But God, it felt **too **right.

* * *

**I.**

**Can't.**

**Take.**

**It.**

**Anymore.**

* * *

"Danny..."

"Jazz, it's Daniel."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Why do I need it?"

"Dann-Daniel, why do you need it to be this way?"

"Because it's the only way you can understand."

"I understand."

"You don't understand anything."

"Danny, we love you."

"Lies. You're all liars."

* * *

**why should i _believe _you**

**when my life's been all a lie**

**and my father can't even _look _at me**

**and you don't want to say that i'm _dying_**

**and you're trying to avoid the fact**

**that i'll be in a big _black _hole**

**that _burns _me until i'm left with _nothing_**

* * *

_(can'tyouseethati'mdying?!)_

Danny's head rested on the pillow and he looked at the floor and he looked at the blue object in Jazz's hand. The little teddy bear. "Are you tired of screaming, Daniel?" she asked him, bringing herself closer. She looked as bad as he did, purple eyelids, red circles, bloodshot, and she looked like she was the one to vomit as well. "Are you tired of being like this? Because I miss Danny."

"I miss him, too. He's just not here." He pointed to his chest. "Everything bled out a long time ago."

"I know. Dad was wrong to abuse you. I know it's painful. I know that you wanted to die and when you met it, you just didn't want it. I know you're confused because I am, too, Daniel. I'm so very confused. Some people just have demons."

"I want you to do me something."

Her eyes perked up at the sound of it.

She touched his face and felt him burn. She wanted to burn too. She kissed his forehead and rubbed his back and tried to give him comfort but how can you comfort someone who knew he was going to die?

"Anything."

And as he softly whispered his need in her ear, she jumped up. She was breathing up and down, her eyes were going to roll back in her head and she didn't know what to do or what was going to happen to her. "Daniel, no."

"I need it. Please."

"Daniel, it's crazy."

"I'm crazy."

"I love you."

Danny's eyes turned all torn and teary eyed and he didn't know what to do. He broke down in tears in his own hands and he sobbed and sobbed recklessly. "I want you to do it. I promise. It'll fix me."

"Danny, you're a bulimic. You're dying. I know. But you're not insane."

"I don't want to throw up. It hurts."

And the childlike innocence in his eyes drove her to do it. And moments later, he was next to the bathroom sink of his room and with a shaky hand, she brought a needle to his mouth. She started sewing - his mouth shut tight and he closed his eyes to endure the pain. He didn't want to scream. He didn't want to throw up. He just wanted this and every stitch was breaking her into pieces.

She was causing him pain.

And she didn't know how'd she'd forget herself.

* * *

I.

Want.

You.

To.

Stitch.

My.

Heart.

Back.

* * *

And as he lay in the bed, his parents wide-eyed at their son's stitched mouth.

"Daniel...oh my God..."

And he had a look on his face. A look of insensitivity.

Maddie walked towards him, hugging him, crying, everything she could ever do. "Jack, why did he do this?" but Jack remained as silent as ever. As silent as Danny was. As if his mouth was a stitched as Danny's. She ran her hands through his hair and the doctor couldn't care less as usual but he did have this look of shock on his face and didn't speak. Not like most of the time, where he couldn't shut up.

Everything was almost silent for a while.

And the silence was suffocating Danny.

That was what he wanted.

Silence.

Then all of a sudden, it was broken. "If he vomits, those stitches were break, he'll basically cut his mouth."

* * *

Can't he **see**?

Your **heart**'s already **cut**.

**You**'re already **cut**.

A million **pieces **on the floor.

* * *

**there was the silence of the _dead_**

**in the room**

**and he felt as if he truly wasn't born**

**or _alive_ **

**or _dead_**

**but just a few _eyes_**

**watching and watching and watching**

**until they can't watch _no more_**

* * *

He couldn't hold the fact that he'd vomit.

And soon, there was a pool of blood on the floor, he was coughing and coughing and coughing before he screamed. He screamed and let the room echo through it. His mouth was truly cut. Blood seeping from it.

"Oh my God!"

"Daniel!"

"Get someone in here, stat!"

The dizziness hit him again.

He braced for death and pain and nothingness. And then, the blackness engulfed him. He wasn't dead. He can hear their vague voices. The blackness was blinding. It was almost as if there were a hundred colors ready to pounce on him. It was as if the darkness was blinding light.

* * *

**Blood**.

**Blood ****everywhere**.

You didn't know you had **so much** in you.

And now, you're **losing **it all.

* * *

Danny's head was going to explode.

They were poking him.

Until there was nothing left in him.

He tried to sleep but he couldn't.

He tried to breathe but couldn't.

He wanted to break free but there was something keeping him from it.

There was something going to suffocate him.

There was something tearing him into two pieces.

There was something that was shooting up from his feet to his head and he was ready for his circalatory system to just give up. He was ready for his digestive system to make him throw up. He was ready for his white blood cells to explode from overload. He was ready for his bones to get crushed. He was ready for his body to become part of the air. Part of nothing and everything.

He was ready to die.

* * *

**Circle**.

Of **blood**.

That **crumples **into a **heart**.

People can **crumple **it **back **into a circle.

And they can **break **the **chain**.

And it's a freaking **game**.

That **hurt **so very much.

* * *

There was nothing to explain how dying was like.

It was like snowflakes freezing in you. It was like fire burning in you. It was like Hell and it was like an icy winter version of Hell where nothing was everything and everything was nothing and you were dead and no matter what you did you were locked inside of a box of your biggest nightmares. And being afraid of the dark wasn't such a childish thing anymore. There was horror that burned through you and love that froze you into nothing.

Until now, he was just burning.

And accepting the fact that you didn't have love to freeze you made the fire igniting even more and more and more.

* * *

_**no one loved you.**_

_**no one wanted you.**_

_**they're all liars.**_

* * *

When Danny opened his bloodshot eyes, he wasn't Hell or Heaven.

No, there was a feeling that engulfed him. A feeling he didn't know before. Safety. He was safe. He was at home. He looked around. He was still in the hospital. Jazz touched his face, "hey..." her voice was so soft and delicate that he couldn't help but smile and the smile was so weak that she couldn't smile back at all. "They found your tumor. They took it out in a surgery. They say that if they remove so much of it, you'll get paralzed so there's a chance that you won't die. They just have to make sure you'd stay. They want to take out the rest before it spreads."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry," his voice was so apologetic and he looked like he was about to cry and he knew what he said and what he did was so very wrong. "I don't want to live in the silence anymore."

Because silence didn't fill him up.

It just made him emptier.

"Oh, Daniel..."

"I want my father."

And she looked shocked as if it was the last thing she'd hear in the world before she ran out the door to call the man. Danny moved his head slightly to his bed and he screamed at the pain that shook every particle in his chest. Jack slowly wandered in the room, touching Danny's face, and Danny just stared and stared and stared. Like it was the first thing he'd seen and it was the last thing he'd see.

"Daniel, are you okay?"

"I don't know." He bit his lip.

He threw a blue object towards Danny. Danny scooped the little teddy bear in his hands and brought it to his chest. "I love blue." Jack rubbed Danny's back, bringing him to a soft hug and he didn't know what else to say.

"I love blue, too."

"It makes me calm."

"It reminds me of the sky."

"You said I fell from the sky."

"You were an angel. You were perfect."

"If I was perfect, why am I lying on a hospital bed?"

Silence.

"Please, don't let me fall into the silence."

"Do you love me, now?"

Danny looked at him and he bit his lip. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

Silence.

Danny couldn't handle it. He spoke out the thought that had been stirring in his mind. "When I die..."

"Daniel, you're not going to die."

"I want Danny back..."

"I can call you Danny anytime."

"You don't understand. Danny is a little boy who loves and is happy and his biggest worries is school. Daniel is this dark beast inside of me that wants to get out. I don't know which one of them am I now."

"You're my son, Danny."

"You almost killed me."

"Danny...I'm sorry for abusing you."

"It hurt so much! IT REALLY HURT! IT BROKE ME INTO NOTHING! I AM NOTHING! Nothing anymore...just nothing..."

"You're Danny."

"Who's Danny, Jack? Who's Danny?"

"A boy with a broken heart who has cancer."

"He sounds a lot like me."

"He is you."

"I don't believe you. I don't believe you."

Jack slowly started to walk away and at that time, Danny almost jumped from his bedside and looked at Jack with some sort of craziness in his eyes. "Dad!"

Jack froze and he looked back at Danny. "Did you just call me--?"

"I love you. And I'm sorry..."

* * *

**and you want your _heart _mended**

**by you**

**i wanted to _die_**

**so that you'll be at my funeral**

**i'm not so confused anymore**

**just _broken_**

* * *

_"He'll be fine. His tumor's gone. For a very long time."_

Danny didn't say anything.

For once, the silence didn't engulf him.

The silence welcomed him.

_Welcome back._

"Glad to hear that, doctor."

* * *

You found your **heart**.

You found your **mind**.

You found **yourself**.

In a sea of **blackness**.

Because there's always a sparkle of **blue **eyes.

* * *

**Done with the entire story. I'LL MISS IT!**

**I want to write a sequel. :P Who'll read that?  
**

**;) Gab**


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